Halloween Jokes Quotes:

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

- Erma Bombeck

topic: Relationship, Fun, Halloween, Inspirational Halloween, Mother And Grandmother

Where there is no imagination there is no horror.

- Arthur Conan Doyle

topic: Halloween, Imagination, Scary, Inspirational Halloween, Spooky Halloween

I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

- Charles S. Swartz

topic: Fun, Halloween, Nudists, Inspirational Halloween, Colony

Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen, Voices whisper in the trees, "Tonight is Halloween!"

- Dexter Kozen

topic: Halloween, Years, Voice, Thousand Years, Inspirational Halloween

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

- Rodney Dangerfield

topic: Funny, Halloween, Humor, Inspirational Halloween, Christian Halloween

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.

- Conan O'Brien

topic: Funny, Halloween, Sound, Inspirational Halloween, Spooky Halloween

Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day.

- Gwen Stefani

topic: Halloween, Band, Want, Inspirational Halloween, Spooky Halloween

Nothing on Earth is so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.

- Steve Almond

source: Steve Almond (2004). “Candyfreak: A Journey through the Chocolate Underbelly of America”, p.32, Algonquin Books

topic: Beautiful, Halloween, Night, Inspirational Halloween, Chocolate Bars

Bring forth the raisins and the nuts- Tonight All-Hallows' Spectre struts Along the moonlit way.

- John Kendrick Bangs

topic: Halloween, Nuts, Tonight, Inspirational Halloween, Spooky Halloween

Double, double, toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble!

- William Shakespeare

source: 'Macbeth' (1606) act 4, sc. 1, l. 4

topic: Halloween, Memorable, Play, Inspirational Halloween, Spooky Halloween

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do! I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat." "No thank you."

- Rita Rudner

source: "Jokes over easy: 1,386 delicious jokes from the best comedians" by Judy Brown, Barnes & Noble, (p. 112), 2006.

topic: Halloween, Doors, People, Candy Corn, Cute Halloween

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people... Religion, Politics, and The Great Pumpkin.

- Charles M. Schulz

topic: Halloween, People, Three, Religion Politics, Funny Halloween

Pixie, kobold, elf, and sprite, All are on their rounds tonight; In the wan moon's silver ray, Thrives their helter-skelter play.

- Joel Benton

source: Joel Benton, “Halloween”

topic: Halloween, Moon, Play, Christian Halloween, Pixies

Hobgoblins know the proper way to dance: Arms akimbo, loopy legs askew, Leaping into darkness with delight, Lusting for the ecstasy of fright, Open to the charm of horrors new.

- Nick Gordon

topic: Halloween, Darkness, Lust, Spooky Halloween, Funny Halloween

My candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open.

- Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

topic: Halloween, Eye, Yellow, Frankenstein Novel, Burnt Out

A gypsy fire is on the hearth, Sign of the carnival of mirth; Through the dun fields and from the glade Flash merry folk in masquerade, For this is Hallowe'en!

- Jerry Smith

topic: Halloween, Heart, Fire, Carnivals, Christian Halloween

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

- Edgar Allan Poe

topic: Love, Dream, Art, Spiritual Darkness, Spooky

Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing, For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

- William Shakespeare

topic: Dog, Powerful, Halloween, Inspirational Halloween, Spooky Halloween

Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the "spirits" of things.

- Dee Snider

topic: Halloween, House, Spirit, Sound Effects, Inspirational Halloween

'Tis the night - the night Of the grave's delight.

- Arthur Cleveland Coxe

source: Arthur Cleveland Coxe (1842). “Halloween: A Romaunt”, p.13

topic: Halloween, Night, Delight, Spooky Halloween, Spooky

Tis now the very witching time of night, when churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world.

- William Shakespeare

source: 'Hamlet' (1601) act 3, sc. 2, l. [413]

topic: Halloween, Night, Denmark In Hamlet, Contagion, Inspirational Halloween

Tis the night - the night Of the grave's delight, And the warlocks are at their play; Ye think that without The wild winds shout, But no, it is they - it is they.

- Arthur Cleveland Coxe

source: Arthur Cleveland Coxe (1842). “Halloween: A Romaunt”, p.13

topic: Halloween, Night, Thinking, Spooky Halloween, Warlocks

There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.

- Jean Baudrillard

topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Revenge, Spooky Halloween, Spooky

Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on.

- River Phoenix

topic: Halloween, Acting, Mask, Inspirational Halloween, Christian Halloween