Jeremy Clarkson Quotes and Sayings - Page 1
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“I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.”
-- Jeremy ClarksonSource : Jeremy Clarkson (2009). “Driven to Distraction”, p.102, Penguin UK
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“Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.—
-- Jeremy ClarksonSource : "Top Gear: Series 8". TV Series, May 7, 2006.
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“Multi-tasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
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“A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car, (about the BMW X3).”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“You're a car, but most of all, what you are, what you've become, is a mate. And that's what makes a car special. That's what makes a car great. You start to think of it as a person. You start to love it.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170hp is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling... penguins... while making love... to a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage... in front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
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“We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.”
-- Jeremy ClarksonSource : "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
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“Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“If the Scottish want to break away, I shall stand on Hadrian's Wall with a teary handkerchief, and say: 'Good riddance to the lot of you, and take your stupid bagpipes with you.'”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“This is a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day.”
-- Jeremy ClarksonSource : "Clarkson joke sparks complaints", news.bbc.co.uk. November 4, 2008.
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“If you go through the pearly gates backwards in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert, all that before they nicked all the oil in the world”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“I dish the dirt out and I can take it. But why should my mother and children have to take it?”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
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“Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“Cows eat grass and silage. This is melting the ice caps and killing us all. So they need a new foodstuff: something that is rich in iron, calcium and natural goodness. Plainly they cannot eat meat so here is an idea to chew on. Why not feed them vegetarians?”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
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“The fact is that Britain is the most warlike nation on earth. In the history of armed combat, we are the only democracy to have declared war on another democracy - England versus Finland in the second world war, in case you're interested - and we're always at the front of the queue when Johnny Foreigner gets a bit uppity. Who stood up to the Kaiser? Who stood up to Adolf? And let's not forget the Argies. What other country would have sent its fleet halfway round the world and lost 250 men to protect a flock of sheep and some oil that might or might not be there? We're still at it.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“All this health and safety talk is just killing me.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“Planet Earth thought it had £10. But it turns out we only had £2. Which means everyone must lose 80% of their wealth”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
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“If we build three million new houses by 2020, where will we grow all the stuff needed to feed the people who live in them?”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“Does anyone really imagine for a moment that my wife gives two stuffs about global warming? She certainly did not appear to be all that bothered on Thursday evening when, during the great carbon-saving switch-off, I ran round the house furiously turning on every light, hair dryer, dishwasher and toaster.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“Governments would rather spend their money on another bomber than education, and why do we fear black men when every bit of suffering in our lives has a Caucasian face attached to it?”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
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“...it seemed appropriate that I should develop some kind of illness. This is a good idea when you are at a loose end because everything, up to and including herpes, is better than being bored.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson -
“Column writing is like gas - it fills the available space.”
-- Jeremy Clarkson
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