Kristen Schaal quotes
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“Guys. If your pants are below your ***** you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.”
-- Kristen SchaalSource : Interview with Kyle Ryan, www.avclub.com. November 13, 2007.
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“Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.”
-- Kristen SchaalSource : "The Hot Seat: Daily Show contributor Kristen Schaal". Interview with Sarah Theeboom, www.timeout.com. June 12, 2012.
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“I would like to be known as someone who was really sweet but also knowledgeable in all areas of life.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.”
-- Kristen SchaalSource : "Kristen Schaal: The toast of American comedy" by John Patterson, www.theguardian.com. October 15, 2010.
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“Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
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“As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
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“I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.”
-- Kristen SchaalSource : "Fictional character: Mel". "Flight of the Conchords / New Fans", www.imdb.com. 2007.
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“I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can.”
-- Kristen SchaalSource : Interview with Steve Heisler, tv.avclub.com. January 20, 2011.
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“I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.”
-- Kristen SchaalSource : "The Hot Seat: Daily Show contributor Kristen Schaal". Interview with Sarah Theeboom, www.timeout.com. June 12, 2012.
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“This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
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“Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
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“I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
“I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.”
-- Kristen Schaal -
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“Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.”
-- Kristen Schaal
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