Sam Kinison quotes

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
-- Sam Kinison

#Marriage #Wedding Anniversary #Years

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.
-- Sam Kinison

#Folks

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
-- Sam Kinison

#Art #Comedy #Form

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
-- Sam Kinison

#Moving #People #World

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
-- Sam Kinison

#Funny #Three #Cost

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
-- Sam Kinison

#Running #Jail #Happy Endings

Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
-- Sam Kinison

#Nice #Rap #Men

I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.
-- Sam Kinison

#Jesus #Order #Rocks

When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
-- Sam Kinison

#Men #Target #Comedy

With any other celebrity, people come up and say, 'Hey, I really like your work.' But with my fans, when they see me, they don't even say hello. They just go, 'AWWWWWGHGHHHGHGHRRR!'
-- Sam Kinison

#People #Hey #Fans

Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.
-- Sam Kinison

#Christian #Rocks #Names

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.
-- Sam Kinison

#Real #Thinking #Laughing

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.
-- Sam Kinison

#Role Models #Roles #Youth

Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!
-- Sam Kinison

#Jesus #Guy #Scare

Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
-- Sam Kinison

#Mad #Justified #Rage

I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
-- Sam Kinison

#People

I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.
-- Sam Kinison

#Style #Deny #Life Style

I'm attracted to heartbreakers.
-- Sam Kinison

#Heartbreaker

Everything can be satirized.
-- Sam Kinison

Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.
-- Sam Kinison

#Rap #Guy #Style

If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
-- Sam Kinison

#Lying #Together #Telling The Truth

AIDS is a horrible disease, and the people who catch it deserve compassion.
-- Sam Kinison

#Compassion #People #Disease

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.
-- Sam Kinison

#Attitude #Voice #Generations

I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
-- Sam Kinison

#People #Comedian #Want

Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!
-- Sam Kinison

#Wake Up #Lost #Worst

I got divorced, which was not a good thing for a revivalist minister. It did not go down well. I'd already been banned from a couple churches for my jokes. So one day I woke up and decided it was time to start living for myself.
-- Sam Kinison

#Couple #Church #One Day

You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pat your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
-- Sam Kinison

#Morning #People #Laughing

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.
-- Sam Kinison

#Funny Marriage #Guy #Want

I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
-- Sam Kinison

#Views #Two #Missing

What happened? Satan was busy?
-- Sam Kinison

#Funny #Divorce #Busy

So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
-- Sam Kinison

#Party #Moving #People

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
-- Sam Kinison

#Jesus #Water #Heaven

What am I responsible for? Who am I responsible to? Everybody? How come when Archie Bunker nailed everybody, it was funny - but when I do it, it's not?
-- Sam Kinison

#Responsible #Bunkers

So many of these comics are just frustrated singers or actors - they want to get a gig doing a sitcom. It's paint-by-the-numbers comedy, lame joke-telling. They're drawn to it as a career move.
-- Sam Kinison

#Moving #Careers #Numbers

It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
-- Sam Kinison

#Rocks #People #Giants

I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
-- Sam Kinison

#Jesus #Church #Approval

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
-- Sam Kinison

#Views #Two #Missing

I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
-- Sam Kinison

#Mtv #Vote #Responsible