Lenny Bruce Quotes and Sayings - Page 1

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More Lenny Bruce quote about:

“Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Funny #Relationship #Dog
“There are never enough I Love You's.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Love #Cute #Love You
“If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Jesus #Children #School
“Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Inspirational #Life #God
“If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Running #Baby #People
“You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Dirty #Compassion #Eight
“Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Atheism #Three #Christ
“Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Atheism #Superstitions #Yeah
“All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Despair #Destruction
“The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Daughter #Mother #Guy
“The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Government #Criminals #Politics
“The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it...”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Art #Laughter #Fake
“I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Waking #Hours
“If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Lying #Body #Faults
“If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish”
-- Lenny Bruce

#New York #Catholic
“The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Live Life #People #Trying
“Communism is like one big phone company.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Funny #Witty #Humorous
“A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Party #Hands #People
“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Funny #Witty #Beach
“The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Funny #People #Political
“I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Education #Growing Up #Humorous
“The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Happiness #Fake People #Art
“In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Justice #Halls
“Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Selfish #Soul #Religion
“It's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Giving #Violence
“...Catholicism is like Howard Johnson, and what they have are these franchises and they give all these people different franchises in the different countries but they have one government, and when you buy the Howard Johnson franchise you can apply it to the geography - whatever's cool for that area - and then you, you know, pay the bread to the main office.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Country #Government #Giving
“I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Money #Law #Miracle
“I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Kissing #Addiction #Young
“If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Hot #Stones #Firsts
“The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.”
-- Lenny Bruce

#Laughing #Comedian #Roles

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