Bossypants Quotes:

Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

- Tina Fey

source: "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

topic: Girl, Athlete, Eye, Swedish, Funny Sarcastic

Whatever the problem - be part of the solution

- Tina Fey

source: Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.53, Hachette UK

topic: Problem, Solutions, Bossypants

This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. You're up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it'll be between you and Barbara. Don't be fooled. You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.

- Tina Fey

topic: Careers, People, Advice, Career Advice, Another Woman

I was ten. I had noticed something was weird earlier in the day, but I knew from commercials that one's menstrual period was a blue liquid that you poured like laundry detergent onto maxi pads to test their absorbency. This wasn't blue, so...I ignored it for a few hours.

- Tina Fey

topic: Blue, Tests, Pads, Laundry Detergent, Bossypants

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

- Tina Fey

topic: Witty, Gay, Thinking, Bossypants

MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.

- Tina Fey

topic: Witty, Class, Voice, Apologetic, Doctor Who

It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.

- Tina Fey

topic: Witty, Perfect, Tvs, Live Tv, Bossypants

Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying "like" all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.

- Tina Fey

topic: Funny, Girl, Baby, Sabotage, Dumpsters

In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.

- Tina Fey

topic: Witty, Mean, People, Top Management, Good Manager

Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

- Tina Fey

source: "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 05, 2011.

topic: Witty, People, Mad, Pigtails, Bossypants

Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

- Tina Fey

source: "We Didn't Come to Saturday Night Live To Be Cute" by Tina Fey, www.slate.com. July 25, 2011.

topic: Being Yourself, Witty, Badass, Love My Self, Love Your Self

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue.

- Tina Fey

topic: Jobs, Inexperience, Virtue, Bossypants

I have a suspicion that the definition of "crazy" in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to ***** [sleep with her] anymore.

- Tina Fey

topic: Crazy, Sleep, Talking, Keep Talking, Bossypants

Lesson learned? When people say, "You really, really must" do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says, "You really, really must deliver the baby during labor." When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.

- Tina Fey

topic: Baby, Witty, Mean, Bossypants

Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.

- Tina Fey

source: Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.48, Hachette UK

topic: Bossypants

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

- Tina Fey

source: "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, www.theguardian.com. 2011.

topic: Witty, Careers, Obstacles, Pointing, Bossypants

Read! When your baby is finally down for the night, pick up a juicy book like Eat, Pray, Love or Pride and Prejudice or my personal favorite,Understanding Sleep Disorders: Narcolepsy and Apnea; A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my "plan" was for taking down the Christmas tree.

- Tina Fey

source: "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

topic: Baby, Husband, Book, Christmas Tree, Bossypants

Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity.

- Tina Fey

source: Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.65, Hachette UK

topic: Girl, White, Diversity, Suburbs, Bossypants

What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn't used to have to do that. But now I do.

- Tina Fey

topic: Women, Mean, Home, Bossypants

I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.

- Tina Fey

topic: Witty, Stress, Mean, Possums, Bossypants

So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

- Tina Fey

source: "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

topic: Inspirational, Witty, Funny Motivational, Ageism, Female Comedian

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.

- Tina Fey

source: "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, October 13, 2011.

topic: Witty, Moving, Writing, Chinese Food, Bossypants

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

- Tina Fey

source: "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

topic: Strong Women, Witty, Funny Inspirational, Strong Inspirational, Overthinking

To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

- Tina Fey

source: "Tina Fey: 'Ugly, pear-shaped and bitchy? I prefer offbeat, business class-assed and exhausted'" by Tina Fey, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2011.

topic: Witty, Bridges, Troll, Bossypants

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

- Tina Fey

topic: Witty, Anxiety, Acne, Bossypants

Start with a 'Yes', and see where that takes you.

- Tina Fey

source: "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

topic: Bossypants

Don't waste your energy trying to change opinions ... Do your thing, and don't care if they like it.

- Tina Fey

topic: Motivational, Confidence, Self Esteem, Stop Caring, Caring Too Much

Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.

- Tina Fey

source: "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, 2011.

topic: Motivational, Inspiring, Leadership, Bossypants

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

- Tina Fey

source: "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

topic: Inspirational, Inspiring, Hilarious, Female Comedian, Bossypants

I have no affinity for animals. I don’t hate animals and I would never hurt an animal; I just don’t actively care about them. When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.

- Tina Fey

source: Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.134, Hachette UK

topic: Cute, Dog, Hurt, Coworker, Bossypants

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

- Tina Fey

topic: Reflection, People, Abortion, Moral Decay, Photoshop

Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.

- Tina Fey

topic: Witty, Crazy, Makeup, Photoshop, Bossypants

When choosing sexual partners, remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.

- Tina Fey

topic: Love, Relationship, Laughing, Bossypants

You have to remember that actors are human beings. Which is hard sometimes because they look so much better than human beings.

- Tina Fey

source: Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.75, Hachette UK

topic: Witty, Looks, Actors, Bossypants

there was an assumption that I was personally attacking Sarah Palin by impersonating her on TV. No one ever said it was 'mean' when Chevy Chase played Gerald Ford falling down all the time. No one ever accused Dana Carvey or Darrell Hammond or Dan Aykroyd of 'going too far' in their political impressions. You see what I'm getting at here. I am not mean and Mrs. Palin is not fragile. To imply otherwise is a disservice to us both.

- Tina Fey

topic: Fall, Mean, Political, Chevy, Gerald Ford

I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did - Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.

- Tina Fey

topic: Guarantees, Bed, Birth, Retro, Bossypants

You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go.

- Tina Fey

topic: Games, Let It Go, Trying, Overthinking, Bossypants