Funny Irish Quotes:
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
topic: Cheater, Funny Irish, Get Away, Being Irish
God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.
topic: Drunk, Ruling The World, Whiskey, Irish Drinking, Whiskey Drinking
source: "Patrick,we Hardly Knew Ye". articles.chicagotribune.com. March 14, 1997. 
topic: Beer, Opportunity, Acting, Irish Beer, Catholic Guilt
topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Witty, Civilised Society, Being Irish
You know it is summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer.
topic: Summer, Rain, Ireland, Irish Author, Irish Proverbs
May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
topic: Past, May, Your Past, Irish Beer, Irish Drinking
source: "Brendan Behan, Interviews and Recollections". Book by E. H. Mikhail, Vol. 2 (p. 186), 1982.
topic: Respect, Cynical, Wonderful, Lack Of Respect, Catholic Guilt
topic: Food, Fall, Drinking, Irish Beer, Irish Drinking
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
topic: Funny, Witty, Girlfriend, Irish Drinking, Irish Proverbs
topic: Joy, Tragedy, Abiding, Irish Author, Being Irish
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.
topic: Bagpipes, Jokes, Catholic Guilt, Funny Irish
topic: Character, Tree, Ireland And The Irish, Being Irish, Funny Irish
I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
topic: Drinking, Two, Thirsty, Irish Drinking, Day Drinking
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.
topic: Rain, Soup, Forks, Being Irish, Funny Irish
In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.
topic: Beer, Heaven, Drink, Irish Beer, Irish Drinking
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
topic: Inspirational, Funny Life, Drama, Irish Author, Irish Proverbs
source: Ballad of the White Horse (1911) bk. 2, p. 35
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.
topic: Drunk, Apathy, Odd, Irish Beer, Irish Drinking
What's the use of being Irish if you can't be thick?
topic: Boxing, Use, Being Irish, Funny Irish, Ireland And The Irish
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
source: In Newsweek 28 Mar. 1960, p. 89
topic: Love, Funny, Marriage, Incompleteness, Marriage And Love Inspirational
When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.
source: "Marital fidelity? What a terribly common idea" by Emma Soames, www.theguardian.com. July 17, 2010.
topic: Love, Funny, Marriage, Funny Irish
Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me.
source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Who I Am, Being Irish, Irish Proverbs, Funny Irish
The Irish are a fair people: They never speak well of one another.
topic: People, Speak, Wells, Funny Irish, Irish Writers
You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.
topic: Motivational, Cute, Growing Up, Live And Learn, My Grandfather
Irish Alzheimer's: you forget everything except the grudges
topic: Forget, Grudge, Alzheimer, Being Irish, Funny Irish
I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt.
topic: Long, Catholic, Guilt, Catholic Guilt, Iceberg
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart?
topic: Heart, Ireland And The Irish, Use, Break Your Heart, Being Irish
In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs.
source: "Mahaffy". P. 79. Book by W. B. Stanford and R. B. McDowell, 1971.
topic: Unexpected, Inevitable, Ireland, Funny Irish
It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.
topic: Funny, Money, Ireland And The Irish, Irish Beer, Irish Drinking
Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to.
source: Shane Leslie (1936). “American wonderland: memories of four tours in the United States of America (1911-1935).”, London, M. Joseph
topic: Speech, St Patrick, Irishmen, St Patrick's Day, Irish Proverbs