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“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Inspirational #Happiness #Being Happy
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“Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Love #Funny #Life
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“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Love #Funny #Witty
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“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Funny #Sarcastic #Sarcasm
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“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Inspirational #Funny #Cat
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“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Inspirational #Funny #Smile
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“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Funny #Life #Witty
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“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Art #Freedom #Political
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“I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Hate #Rain #Weather
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“I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Funny #Inspiration #Years
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“I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Sex #Funny Relationship #Firsts
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“Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Girl #Crazy #Humorous
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“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Funny #Running #Witty
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“It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa”
-- Groucho Marx
#Inspiration #Ivory #Alabama
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“Go, and never darken my towels again”
-- Groucho Marx
#Inspiration #Towels
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“Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Funny #Life #Women
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“I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Inspiration #Wish #Ashes
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“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
-- Groucho Marx
#Inspirational #Funny #Marriage
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“All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Inspirational #Funny #Witty
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“When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Looks #Dinner #Pay
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“There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Funny #Truth #Honesty
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“Before I speak, I have something important to say.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Funny #Witty #Humorous
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“In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don't let the men know.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Wisdom #Clever #Men
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“Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Wisdom #Rose
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“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Love #Dog #Fun
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“Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Funny #Death #Watches
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“Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Fall #Brain #Open Minded
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“If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Eggs #Stupidity #Ham
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“My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Love #Funny #Mother
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“If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.”
-- Groucho Marx
#Government #Feet #Income
