Johnny Carson Quotes and Sayings - Page 1
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“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”
-- Johnny Carson -
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“Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“Happiness is.....finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'”
-- Johnny Carson -
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
-- Johnny Carson -
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“In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”
-- Johnny CarsonSource : "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
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“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.”
-- Johnny Carson -
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“We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.”
-- Johnny Carson -
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“People will pay more to be entertained than educated.”
-- Johnny CarsonSource : "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
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“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.”
-- Johnny Carson -
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“Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.”
-- Johnny Carson -
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“Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?”
-- Johnny Carson -
“The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older.”
-- Johnny Carson -
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“Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.”
-- Johnny Carson -
“Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.”
-- Johnny CarsonSource : "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
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