Funny Men And Women Quotes:

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

- Mark Twain

topic: Men, Thinking, Average, Funny Men, Funny Men And Women

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

- Jim Carrey

topic: Funny, Laughter, Eye, Her Eyes, Lovers Eyes

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

- Margaret Thatcher

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Powerful, Empowering Women, Powerful Women

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

- Elayne Boosler

topic: Shopping, Funny Men And Women, Be A Man, Black Friday, Shopaholic

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.

- Joseph Conrad

topic: Funny, Hilarious, Women, International Women's Day, Sexy Women

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

- Jill Shalvis

topic: Jobs, Wine, Dark, Stomping, Vineyards

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

- George Carlin

topic: Funny, Wedding, Truth, Crazy Man, Stupid Men

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

- Aristotle Onassis

source: Quoted in Barbara Rowes, The Book of Quotes (1979)

topic: Funny Love, Witty, Money, Makin Money, Inspirational Money Making

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

- Billy Crystal

source: "Fictional character: Mitch Robbins". "City Slickers", www.imdb.com. June 7, 1991.

topic: Sex, Being Single, Men, Risque, Good Sex

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

- Erica Jong

topic: Love, Witty, Women, Women Equality, Dumb Guy

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

- Albert Einstein

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Marriage, Some People Never Change, Marrying

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

- Jean Kerr

source: Jean Kerr (1962). “The Snake Has all the Lines”

topic: Women, Wish, Cleaning, Men Women, Funny Men And Women

Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

- Charlotte Whitton

source: Canada Month, June 1963. A later satirical version of this saying added to the end "Luckily, this is not difficult" (Paul Dickson, The Official Rules [1978]). See Eleanor Roosevelt 2

topic: Funny, Hilarious, Strong Women, Female Empowerment, Successful Women

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

- Sacha Guitry

source: "Book of Humorous Quotations" edited by Connie Robertson, (p. 83), 1998.

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Marriage, Husband Wife, Marriage Humor

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

- George Carlin

topic: Love, Funny, Cute Relationship, Funny Men And Women, Funny Women

Man has will, but woman has her way.

- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

topic: Funny, Women, Humorous, Funny Men And Women

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

- Carrie Snow

topic: Inspiring, Women, Car, Gynecologists, Funny Men And Women

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

- Dolly Parton

topic: Funny, Inspiring, Girly, Offended You, Women Bashing

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

- Helen Hayes

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes".

topic: Funny, Life, Witty, Funny Men And Women

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.

- Chauncey Depew

source: "FPA Book of Quotations : A New Collection of Famous Sayings". Book by Franklin Pierce Adams, 1952.

topic: Men, Naughty, Thinking, Optimism And Pessimism, Optimists And Pessimists

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

- Groucho Marx

topic: Love, Funny, Witty, Humorous Valentine, Successful Man

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Witty, Men Women, Funny Men And Women

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Love, Friendship, Sarcastic, Worship You, Inspirational Passion

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Funny, Marriage, Valentines Day, Perfect Marriage, Happy Wife

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

- Roseanne Barr

topic: Marriage, Sex, Food, Funny Sex, Funny Men

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

- P. J. O'Rourke

topic: Funny, Hilarious, Single, Risque, Good Sex

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

- Linda Ellerbee

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Inspirational, Birthday, Running, Neckties, Funny Men And Women

The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.

- Jo Brand

topic: Sex, Food, Heart, Funny Men, Eating Food

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

- Fanny Fern

source: Fanny Fern (1986). “Ruth Hall and Other Writings”, p.32, Rutgers University Press

topic: Sex, Food, Heart, Funny Men, Eating Food

In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on a woman.

- Nancy Astor

source: My Two Countries ch. 1 (1923)

topic: Funny, Women, Firsts, Funny Men And Women, Funny Strong Women

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

- Mae West

topic: Women, Memorable, Temptation, Innuendo, Women Bashing

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.

- Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

source: Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings (2011). “The Yearling”, p.176, Simon and Schuster

topic: Love, Funny, Life, Humorous Love, Strong Independent

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

- Mae West

topic: Funny Love, Running, Freedom, Wedding Speech, Men Women

A man's got to do what a man's got to do.

- John Wayne

topic: Strong Women, Empowering, Empowerment, Female Empowerment, Strong Independent Women

Sometimes the way to a man's heart is through his talleywacker.

- Sabrina Jeffries

topic: Heart, Men, Way, Funny Sex, Funny Men

Shipping magnate of the 20th century If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

- Aristotle

topic: Sexy Women, Men Women, Women Bashing, Womans Day, Elegant Woman

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

- Sue Grafton

topic: Girlfriend, Men, High Heels, Funny Men And Women, Wonderful Man

The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs. - Jeanne

- Madame Roland

topic: Dog, Men, Admire, Man And Dog, I Love My Dog

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

- Gloria Steinem

source: Quoted in Robert Byrne, The Fourth - and by Far the Most Recent - 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (1990)

topic: Funny, Marriage, Witty, Men Women, Careers Choices