Elayne Boosler Quotes and Sayings - Page 1

More Elayne Boosler quote about:

“I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Men #Solitude #Want
“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Shopping
“We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Funny #Military #Fighting
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Funny #Life #Hilarious
“The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Mother #Jesus #Resurrection
“You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Funny Love #Numbers #Machines
“To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Keys #Silence #Comedy
“There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#School #Differences #Catholic
“I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Funny #Inspiring #Women
“I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Artist #People #Genius
“You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Sports #Hunting #Needs
“My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Biblical #Men #Years
“When the sun comes up, I have morals again.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Funny #Witty #Clever
“My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Dog #Fashion #Philosophy
“My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Brother #Love You #Gay
“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Depression #Country #Depressing
“I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Dog #Art #America
“I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Basketball #Years #Games
“I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Jobs #Kids #Choices
“I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Clubs #Theater #Masons
“I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Opportunity #Issues #Equal
“I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Running #Cities #Way
“For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Mean #Men #Milk
“I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Thinking #Clothes #Want
“I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Dog #Beach #Husband
“I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Cute #Animal #People
“Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Years #Sweaters #Creating
“Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Giving #Hiv #Television
“I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Sleep #Years #Fake
“Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying.”
-- Elayne Boosler

#Home #Writing #Night

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