Lily Tomlin Quotes:

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

source: - Quoted in People, 26 Dec. 1977. Although now associated with Tomlin, this saying appears anonymously in Robert Reisner, Graffiti (1971), in the form "Remember, even if you win the rat race - you're still a rat." Rosalie Maggio, in New Beacon Book of Quotations by Women, states that William Sloane Coffin said "Even if you win the rat-race, you're still a rat" as a chaplain at Williams College or Yale University in the 1950s or 1960s.

Topics: Inspirational, Funny, Witty, Truism, Light Of My Life

When I've had a meltdown, people will say to me, "Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor."

source: - Source: www.salon.com

Topics: People, Sense Of Humor, Meltdowns

If trying harder doesn't work, try softer.

Topics: Trying, Harder

Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It's just a matter of timing. It's like you've marked your territory.

Topics: Real, Territory, Matter

Wouldn't it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.

Topics: Nurse, Would Be, World, Ballerina

I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn't want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.

Topics: New York, Community, Actors

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

Topics: Education, Appreciation, Teacher, Inspirational Teacher, Knowledge And Learning

To act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. You know you can't go back next week and fix it. Whereas in a live audience you know it's so in the moment and you just go with what's happening. First of all you never have to see it again so you don't know if you were really fulfilling it or not.

Topics: Cameras, Littles, Next

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

Topics: Inspirational, Breakup, Stress, Inspirational Stress Relief, Stress Management

I'm not a religious person. I don't have any desire. To me it's imitative of a conventional culture. I'm all for it for anybody. I totally have a free and open feeling about how other humans want to live their lives. It's just not something that has any real significance for me.

Topics: Religious, Real, Feelings

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Topics: Funny, Book, Communication, Power Of Language

And yet humanity is so not evolved that how can you expect anything absolutely major to happen? Look how long, we move ahead in technology, how much do we move ahead in morality or emotion? We move ahead so minimally, minimally, minimally.

Topics: Moving, Technology, Long, Moving Ahead

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining.

Topics: Witty, Reality, Lifestyle, Dose

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.

Topics: Book, Watches, Tvs, Watching Television, Television Watching

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

Topics: Inspiring, I Realized

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

source: - "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

Topics: Inspirational, Funny, Life, Schizophrenic, Talking To God

To me, "sexual freedom" means freedom from having to have sex.

Topics: Sex, Mean, Feminist

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Topics: Funny, Success, Congratulations, Mediocre Life, Success Of Others

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.

Topics: Fun, Humorous, Skins, Snow Leopards, Synthetic

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

Topics: Communication, Thinking, Complaining

We are all in this together, by ourselves.

Topics: Unity, Together

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Topics: Witty, Sex, Believe, Having Sex, Sex And Love

I feel some part of me can wake up and be very existential and the next day wake up and be sort of in love with the universe.

Topics: Wake Up, Next, Existential

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

Topics: Inspirational, Funny, Life, Have A Laugh, Witty One Liners

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

Topics: Inspirational, Funny, Thinking, Classic Music, Funny Comedian

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

Topics: Truth, Drug, Mind

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Topics: Love, Life, Relationship, Hunches

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

Topics: Funny, Leadership, Stress, Inspirational Stress, Leading Causes

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

Topics: Imagination, Sometimes, Figments

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

Topics: Country, Honesty, Work, Funny 4th Of July, Ninety Eight

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Topics: Inspirational, Funny, Beauty, Library Cards, Libraries And Librarians

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.

source: - "The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe". Play by Jane Wagner, 1985.

Topics: Cynical, Matter, Enough

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

Topics: Inspiring, Fall, Failure, Missing Opportunity, Afraid Of Failure

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Topics: Love, Funny Relationship, Answers

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

Topics: Laughing, Survival, Should, Survival Of The Fittest, Wittiest

Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself.

Topics: People, History

What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it.

Topics: Golf

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

Topics: Funny, Sarcastic, Eyeglasses

The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?

Topics: Ice, Water, Cubes

I worry about kids today - because of the sexual revolution, they're going to grow up and never know what "dirty" means.

Topics: Growing Up, Dirty, Mean, Sexual Revolution

I try to be cynical, but it's so hard to keep up.

Topics: Cynical, Trying

The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.

Topics: World, Belief

I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won't.

Topics: Beautiful, Thinking, Life Is

Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.

Topics: Sorry, Devil's Advocate

Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?

Topics: Intelligent, Missing, Form, Intelligent Life

Even when I'm being funny, I'm deadly serious.

Topics: Serious, Comedy

Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.

Topics: Intelligent, Winning, Play, Intelligent Life, Play To Win

My space chums think my unique hookup with humanity could be evolution's awkward attempt to jump-start itself up again. They're thinking just maybe, going crazy could be the evolutionary process trying to hurry up mind expansion. Maybe my mind didn't snap. Maybe it was just trying to stretch itself into a new shape. The cerebral cortex trying to grow a thumb of sorts.

Topics: Crazy, Unique, Thinking, My Space, Chum

Suddenly I burst into song: 'Awe, sweet mystery of life, at last I found thee...' And I felt so good inside and my heart felt so full, I decided I would set time aside each day to do awe-robics. Because at the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it all than at any other time.

Topics: Song, Sweet, Heart, Mystery Of Life, Heart Felt

In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone

Topics: Heart, Night, Solitude

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

Topics: Funny Girlfriend

You can't expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it's a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.

Topics: Confused, Hey, Way, Steps In The Right Direction

There's nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, 'I didn't do it right'.

Topics: Meaningful, Ends

Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.

Topics: Complaining, Needs, Language, Human Needs

If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than 'survival of the fittest.' I think a better idea would be 'survival of the wittiest.' At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing.

Topics: Thinking, Ideas, Laughing, Survival Of The Fittest, Wittiest

The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.

Topics: Kings, Queens, Phones, Scum Of The Earth

No matter how cynical I get, I can't keep up.

Topics: Cynical, Matter

There will be sex after death, we just won't be able to feel it.

Topics: Love, Sex, Able

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

Topics: Funny, Interesting, Serendipity, Something Interesting

What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.

Topics: What If, Might, Boring

I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types.

Topics: Expression, Culture, Social

If you can't be direct, why be?

Topics: Direct

What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.

Topics: Thinking, Appreciate, Brain

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.

Topics: Funny, Humorous, Technology

But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.

Topics: People, Cost, Reason

I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war.

Topics: War, Thinking, People

The road to success is always under construction.

Topics: Inspiring, Success, Congratulations, Succes, Whatsapp

I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting.

Topics: Mean, Cameras, Littles

Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?

Topics: Mind, Doe, Teflon

Remember we're all in this alone.

Topics: Loneliness, Being Alone, Feeling Lonely

We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.

Topics: People, Lifestyle, Consumers

Infinity is just time on an ego trip.

Topics: Ego, Infinity, Ego Trip

Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.

Topics: Integrity, Past, Differences, Selling Out

I wonder what it would be like if we all became what we wanted to be when we grew up? I mean, imagine a world filled with nothing but firemen, cowboys, nurses and ballerinas.

Topics: Mean, Cowboy, Nurse, Ballerina

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Topics: Names, Feet, Special

Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol.

Topics: Exercise, People, Alcohol

Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.

Topics: Helping, Trouble, Wells

Growing up in Michigan was fine...until I realized where I was.

Topics: Growing Up, Michigan, Fine

Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.

Topics: Lying, Made

I guess that's one of the reasons that you do it - work all the time - because it's sort of a high to find something that really works.

Topics: Reason

Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use.

Topics: Character, Creating, Use, Creating Characters

After all, in private, we're all misfits

Topics: Misfits

I especially love 'Web Therapy' and I did 'Eastbound and Down' too. I had a lot of fun doing that.

Topics: Fun, Therapy

I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves… I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness.

Topics: Men, Trying, Consciousness, Collective Consciousness, Polarity

Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket - The road to success is always under construction

Topics: Hands, Pockets, Ladders, Under Construction

You are what you think ... geez, that's frightening.

Topics: Thinking, Frightening

When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.

Topics: Thinking, Two, Laughing

I still believe that sex is dirty. It's just that now I wouldn't have it any other way.

Topics: Sex, Dirty, Believe

My politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them.

source: - Source: blogs.indiewire.com

Topics: People, Different, Kind, Humanistic, Infatuated

Reality is nothing more than a collective hunch.

Topics: Reality, Hunches, Collectives

Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it's imposssible to keep up.

Topics: Cynical, Matter, Newspapers

If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up?

Topics: Life Is, Ifs, Meaningless

I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They'd eaten each other.

Topics: Animal, Crackers, Boxes, Animal Crackers

The larger picture is really to swing people's awareness of what really is moral.

source: - "Thoroughly Modern Lily". Interview with Alonso Duralde, March 15, 2005.

Topics: Swings, People, Moral

Nobody is here without a reason. I always had a different sensibility. I like a huge range of comedy - from broad and farcical, the most sensitive, the most understated - but I always wanted my comedy to be more embracing of the species rather than debasing of it.

source: - Interview with Randy Shulman, www.metroweekly.com. April 26, 2006.

Topics: Different, Comedy, Reason, Understated

If beauty is truth, why don't women go to the library to have their hair done?

Topics: Hair, Library, Done

When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!

Topics: Prayer, Psychosis, Speak

It's a more ridiculing, divisive humor today.

source: - Interview with Randy Shulman, www.metroweekly.com. April 26, 2006.

Topics: Today

If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do.

source: - Source: blogs.indiewire.com

Topics: Dog, Cat, Suffering

The thing that most distresses me is whenever I see things over sexualized, I worry about young girls. Some of the fall out of the feminist movement is that it made younger and younger girls more sexually available. It's part of the philosophy, be your own person and be free. But, girls are so over sexualized in this culture.

source: - Source: blogs.indiewire.com

Topics: Girl, Philosophy, Fall, Be Your Own Person, Feminist Movement

9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn't really happened, but it has come closer.

source: - Interview with Randy Shulman, www.metroweekly.com. April 26, 2006.

Topics: Equal Pay, People, Made

When we talk to god, it's prayer. When god talks to us, it's schizophrenia.

Topics: Prayer, Schizophrenia

We're giving jobs to people who would otherwise be out of work if we weren't exploiting cheap labor.

Topics: Jobs, People, Giving, Cheap Labor

Thank God kids never mean well

Topics: Mean, Kids, Thank God

The whole idea of being in captivity in such limited space, especially in a zoo, causes elephants to suffer. They develop all kinds of foot diseases. They die. They get cysts. Not only is it painful, it eventually kills them.

source: - Source: blogs.indiewire.com

Topics: Zoos, Elephants, Ideas

People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with.

source: - Source: deadline.com

Topics: People, Culture, Kind

I never thought of myself as any kind of a film star, as many films as I've made - and I've made some really fun movies with good people. I've always been paired with someone because I'm not really box office, in that carrying-a-picture sense. I've always been busy, but not in the spotlight.

source: - Source: deadline.com

Topics: Stars, Fun, People, Fun Movie

Sexual freedom and liberation has to be of your own making. I'm stunned when I hear about friends' children, ten or twelve years old giving blow jobs. I just don't like the girls being used or exploited in that way. It's just indiscriminate sexual relating. It's just the isolated things.

source: - Source: blogs.indiewire.com

Topics: Girl, Jobs, Children, Stunned, Blow Job

I was always empathetic with animals. It's a terrible and self-involved point of view that we do something because someone else is exploitable.

source: - Source: blogs.indiewire.com

Topics: Animal, Self, Views