Funny Computer Quotes:

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

- Dave Barry

topic: Light, Three, Paper, Printer, Trays

Any fool can use a computer. Many do.

- Ted Nelson

topic: Technology, Fool, Use, Developers, Programming Funny

If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

- Edsger Dijkstra

topic: Funny Inspirational, Debugging, Bugs, Removal, Programming Languages

The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.

- Bill Gates

topic: Computer, Problem, Born, Computing, Computer Software

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

- Rick Cook

source: "The Wizardry Compiled". Book by Rick Cook, 1989.

topic: Winning, Technology, Race, Debugging, Developers

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

- Emo Philips

topic: Funny, Motivational Sports, Humorous, Kickboxing, Dark Sarcasm

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

- Isaac Asimov

topic: Inspiring, Fear, Humorous, Computer Science, Computer Technology

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

- Paul R. Ehrlich

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Witty, Modern Technology, Debugging

Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.

- John F. Kennedy

topic: Inspirational, Technology, Men, Computer Technology, Funny Computer

The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.

- Edsger Dijkstra

source: Interview with Jack Schofield, www.theguardian.com. August 19, 2002.

topic: Technology, Thinking, Swim, Submarines, Computer Science

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

- Robert Orben

topic: Work, Technology, Blame, Computer Technology, Err Is Human

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

- Scott Adams

topic: Life, Wisdom, Keys, Dilbert, Funny Computer

Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.

- Donald Knuth

source: Donald Ervin Knuth (1984). “The texbook”, Addison-Wesley Professional

topic: Funny Inspirational, Reading, Mind, Computing, Computer Language

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.

- Sydney J. Harris

topic: Real, Men, Thinking, Information Technology, Math Is Like

A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.

- Joseph Weizenbaum

topic: Technology, Mind, Different, Computer Systems, Computer Technology

Computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is.

- Larry Wall

topic: Technology, Jurassic Park, Design, Computer Language, Computer Programming

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.

- Stephen Hawking

topic: Science, Technology, Thinking, Space Aliens, Computer Security

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.

- Joseph Campbell

topic: Inspirational, Technology, Religion, Computer Science, Old Technology

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

- Arthur C. Clarke

source: Letter to the editor, Science, 19 Jan. 1968.

topic: Science, Technology, Possible And Impossible, Information Technology, Awe And Wonder

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

- Pablo Picasso

topic: Funny, Witty, Technology, Information Technology, Hardware

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

- Andy Rooney

topic: Witty, Work, Technology, Hardware, Computer Hacking

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

- Doug Larson

topic: Dog, Home, School, First Day Of School, Computer Technology

The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it's too late.

- Seymour Cray

topic: Technology, Too Late, Trouble, Software Design, Programmers

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

- Scott Adams

topic: Technology, Done, Computer, Unix, Condescension And

Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.

- Brian Kernighan

topic: Funny Inspirational, Smart, Writing, Hardware, Debugging

Don't worry about what anybody else is going to do. The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

- Alan Kay

topic: Worry, Way, Live By, Way In Life, Young Entrepreneurs

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

- Dennis Ritchie

topic: Simple, Simplicity, Genius, Operating Systems, Computer Science

If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.

- Robert X. Cringely

source: "Noted from the field". "InfoWorld Magazine", Volume 11, Number 10, March 6, 1989.

topic: Technology, Years, Cost, Software Design, Killing Everyone

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.

- Donald Knuth

source: Memorandum to Peter van Emde Boas, 29 Mar. 1977

topic: Funny Inspirational, Bugs, Computer, Programming Languages, Programmers

If you don't want to be replaced by a computer, don't act like one.

- Arno Allan Penzias

topic: Technology, Want, Computer, Funny Computer

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

- Nathaniel Borenstein

topic: World, Way, Causes, Computer Programmers, Computer Software

Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

- Kristen Wilson

topic: Running, Mean, Kids, Repetitive, Pacs

The best way to predict the future is to create it.

- Peter Drucker

topic: Inspirational, Life, Motivational, Way In Life, Young Entrepreneurs

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

- Rita Mae Brown

topic: Fundraising, Dating, Computer, Funny Computer

Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.

- Edsger Dijkstra

topic: Science, Technology, Telescopes, Hardware, Computer Science

It's hardware that makes a machine fast. It's software that makes a fast machine slow.

- Craig Reucassel

topic: Machines, Computer, Software, Hardware, Computer Science

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.

- Woody Allen

topic: Witty, Humorous, Indifference, Programming Funny, Funny Computer

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

- Alan Perlis

source: "Epigrams on Programming". ACM "SIGPLAN" Notices 17 (9), (pp. 7-13), September 1982.

topic: Writing, Errors, Two, Software Design, Computer Software

If at first you don't succeed, Call an airstrike.

- Banksy

topic: Firsts, Succeed, Geek, Call Of Duty, Programming Funny

As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs.

- Maurice Wilkes

source: Lecture titled "The Design and Use of the EDSAC" delivered by Maurice Wilkes at the Digital Computer Museum, tcm.computerhistory.org. September 23, 1979.

topic: Mistake, Technology, Debugging, Computer Programmers, Programming Funny

Unless in communicating with it one says exactly what one means, trouble is bound to result.

- Alan Turing

source: B. E. Carpenter, Alan Mathison Turing, Michael Woodger (1986). “A.M. Turing's ACE report of 1946 and other papers”, The MIT Press

topic: Mean, Trouble, Results, Funny Computer

The most amazing achievement of the computer software industry is its continuing cancellation of the steady and staggering gains made by the computer hardware industry.

- Henry Petroski

topic: Technology, Achievement, Gains, Programmers, Cancellation

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later

- Fred Brooks

source: "The Mythical Man-Month," Datamation, Dec. 1974

topic: Computer, Projects, Software, Manpower, Programming Funny

There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows about. It's a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the work. The trouble with computers is that you 'play' with them!

- Richard P. Feynman

topic: Play, Disease, Serious, Funny Computer

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

- Tony Hoare

source: "The Emperor's Old Clothes". Communications of the ACM 24 (2), (pp. 75-83), February 1981.

topic: Witty, Humorous, Simple, Software Design, Computer Science

Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.

- Dick Brandon

topic: Sex, Documentation, Computer, Funny Computer

First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure.

- Douglas Adams

topic: Technology, Typewriters, Discovery, Internet Technology, Brochures