Funny Golf Quotes:

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that.

topic: Perseverance, Motivational Sports, Determination, Inspirational Coach, Inspirational Coaching

Quotation Arnold Palmer What other people may find in poetry or art museums Quotes

- A. A. Milne

source: A. A. Milne (2012). “Not That it Matters”, p.22, The Floating Press

topic: Golf, Games, World, Inspirational Golf, Funny Golf

- Gardner Dickinson

topic: Believe, Golf, Complicated, Humorous Golf, Inspirational Golf

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot.

topic: Golf, Swings, Lunch, Great Golf, Funny Golf

- Dave Marr

topic: Golf, Three, Shots, Great Golf, Funny Golf

Forget your opponents; always play against par.

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

topic: Golf, Play, Opponents, Motivational Golf, Playing Golf

- Bob Hope

topic: Hope, Golf, Games, Funny Golf, Golf Jokes

Of all the hazards, fear is the worst.

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

topic: Golf, Hazards, Worst, Occupational Hazards, Great Golf

- George Deukmejian

topic: Funny, Lying, Golf, Humorous Golf, Inspirational Golf

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.

- Ben Hogan

topic: Sports, Golf, Needs, Inspirational Golf, Motivational Golf

One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.

- Mac O'Grady

topic: Golf, Bleeding, Next, Mona Lisa, One Minute

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

- Tiger Woods

topic: Basketball, Sports, Fashion, Inspirational Golf, Funniest Sports

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive.

topic: Sports, Golf, Iron, Humorous Golf, Golf Ball

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

topic: Art, Athlete, Golf, Inspirational Golf, Motivational Golf

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

source: Quoted in Scholastic Coach,'Coaches' Corner', Dec 1982.

topic: Golf, Games, Tomatoes, Humorous Golf, Golfing

- Bob Hope

topic: Sports, Golf, Player, Professional Sports, Funny Golf

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.

topic: Sports, Golf, Knives, Humorous Golf, Inspirational Golf

- Brian Weiss

topic: Golf, Long, Tree, Humorous Golf, Golf Ball

You've just one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it.

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

topic: Golf, Balls, Problem, Golf Ball, Funny Golf

- Hank Aaron

topic: Funny, Sports, Baseball, Humorous Golf, Motivational Golf

It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get.

I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt.

source: FaceBook post by Arnold Palmer from Oct 04, 2016

topic: Golf, Practice, Funny Things, Inspirational Golf, Sports Competition

- Chi Chi Rodriguez

topic: Golf, Missing, Helping, Great Golf, Good Golf

Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.

- Rick Reilly

topic: School, Golf, Lunch, Slap, Funny Golf

I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.

- Ben Hogan

topic: Golf, Persistence, Games, Humorous Golf, Playing Golf

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

- Phyllis Diller

topic: Retirement, Real, Golf, Funny Golf, Funny Golfing

I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.

That putt had more breaks than a government job.

topic: Golf, Games, Strokes, Great Golf, Golfing

- Brian Weiss

topic: Jobs, Golf, Government, Funny Golf, Government Jobs

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

- Bob Hope

topic: Golf, Games, People, Funny Game, Funny Golf

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.

- Gary Player

source: "The Gigantic Book of Golf Quotations". Book edited by Jim Apfelbaum, 2007.

topic: Golf, Years, Games, Inspirational Golf, Playing Golf

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt.

- Fletcher Knebel

topic: Golf, Men, Feet, Funny Golf, Golf Life

It's so ridiculous to see a golfer with a one foot putt and everybody is saying "Shhh" and not moving a muscle. Then we allow nineteen year-old kids to face a game-deciding free throw with seventeen thousand people yelling.

- Al McGuire

topic: Moving, Kids, Golf, Free Throw, Funny Golf

Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser.

- Vince Lombardi

topic: Inspirational, Motivational, Sports, American Football, Nfl Football

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead.

- Tommy Bolt

topic: Golf, Break, Drivers, Funny Golf, Funny Golfing

I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.

- Ben Crenshaw

topic: Distance, Golf, Ears, Funny Golf, Golf Jokes

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.

- George Robertson, Baron Robertson of Port Ellen

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Golf, Swings, Practice, Humorous Golf, Great Golf

If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would've been a great shot.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

topic: Golf, Tree, Green, Funny Golf

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

topic: Sports, Husband, Games, Humorous Golf, Funny Sports

- Chi Chi Rodriguez

topic: Golf, Years, Play, Humorous Golf, Golf Ball

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

- Winston Churchill

topic: Funny, Golf, Games, Humorous Golf, Golf Ball

Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies.

- Bobby Jones

source: "Bobby Jones said play the ball as it lies. Tiger Woods has done just that", www.theguardian.com. February 20, 2010.

topic: Lying, Golf, Games, Golf Ball, Inspirational Golf

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.

- Ben Hogan

topic: Inspirational, Friday, Sports, Inspirational Golf, Playing Golf

A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how to behave.

- Jack Nicklaus

topic: Growing Up, Kids, Golf, Inspirational Golf, Golfing

Swing hard in case you hit it.

- Dan Marino

topic: Golf, Swings, Cases, Humorous Golf, Baseball Games

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.

- Alex Hay

topic: Golf, Men, Years, Funny Golf

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

- Ray Floyd

topic: Funny, Taken, Golf, Four Letter Words, Funny Golf

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.

- Joey Lauren Adams

topic: Golf, Advice, Watches, Funny Golf

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.

- Don Adams

topic: Golf, Balls, Today, Wonderful Experience, Golfing

You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen.