Funny Golfing Quotes:

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

- Ray Floyd

topic: Funny, Taken, Golf, Four Letter Words, Funny Golf

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

- Lee Trevino

source: Quoted in Scholastic Coach,'Coaches' Corner', Dec 1982.

topic: Golf, Games, Tomatoes, Humorous Golf, Golfing

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

- Lee Trevino

topic: Golf, Swings, Lunch, Great Golf, Funny Golf

I've always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never quit trying; I never felt that I didn't have a chance to win.

- Arnold Palmer

topic: Perseverance, Motivational Sports, Determination, Inspirational Coach, Inspirational Coaching

I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.

- Arnold Palmer

topic: Golf, Games, Strokes, Great Golf, Golfing

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive.

- Arnold Palmer

topic: Art, Athlete, Golf, Inspirational Golf, Motivational Golf

Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger.

- Arnold Palmer

source: FaceBook post by Arnold Palmer from Oct 04, 2016

topic: Sports, Hunger, Combination, Inspirational Golf, Funny Golfing

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

- Lee Trevino

topic: Sports, Husband, Games, Humorous Golf, Funny Sports

Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.

- Lee Trevino

topic: Real, Golf, Hands, Motivational Golf, Great Golf

There is no such thing as natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.

- Lee Trevino

topic: Sports, Perseverance, Golf, Golf Ball, Funny Golfing

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

- Lee Trevino

topic: Golf, World, Columbus, Great Golf, Funny Golfing

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

- John Updike

topic: Children, Dirty, Golf, Inspirational Golf, Motivational Golf

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.

- H. G. Wells

topic: Beauty, Golf, Men, Humorous Golf, Playing Golf

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

- Dean Martin

source: "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

topic: Drinking, Book, Beer, Funny Sarcastic, Inspirational Golf

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

- Gerald R. Ford

topic: Funny, Sports, Golf, Humorous Golf, Inspirational Golf

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

- Phyllis Diller

topic: Retirement, Real, Golf, Funny Golf, Funny Golfing

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

- Gilbert K. Chesterton

source: Quoted in Colin Jarman The Guinness Dictionary of Sports Quotations (1990).

topic: Sports, Golf, Guitar, Humorous Golf, Inspirational Golf

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

- Billy Graham

topic: Sports, Prayer, Golf, Inspirational Golf, Motivational Golf

It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get.

- Arnold Palmer

source: FaceBook post by Arnold Palmer from Oct 04, 2016

topic: Golf, Practice, Funny Things, Inspirational Golf, Sports Competition

Golf is a game in which you yell "for," shoot six, and write down five.

- Paul Harvey

topic: Writing, Golf, Games, Inspirational Golf, Motivational Golf

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

- Jim Bishop

topic: Funny, Retirement, Native American, Inspirational Golf, Motivational Golf

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

- Jack Benny

topic: Beautiful, Sports, Golf, Humorous Golf, Inspirational Golf

My father's saying, The harder you work, the luckier you get.

- Fiona Wood

topic: Education, Father, Learning, Motivational Bodybuilding, Funny Golfing

This is a game of misses. The guy who misses the best is going to win.

- Ben Hogan

topic: Golf, Winning, Games, Great Golf, Funny Golfing

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

- Bob Hope

topic: Golf, Play, Age, Humorous Golf, Playing Golf

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead.

- Tommy Bolt

topic: Golf, Break, Drivers, Funny Golf, Funny Golfing

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

- Lee Trevino

topic: Golf, Play, Two, Playing Golf, Funny Golfing

Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies.

- Bobby Jones

source: "Bobby Jones said play the ball as it lies. Tiger Woods has done just that", www.theguardian.com. February 20, 2010.

topic: Lying, Golf, Games, Golf Ball, Inspirational Golf

May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.

- Ben Hogan

topic: Lying, Golf, Water, Golf Ball, Inspirational Golf

One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.

- Mac O'Grady

topic: Golf, Bleeding, Next, Mona Lisa, One Minute

Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.

- Jack Nicklaus

topic: Golf, Air, Years, Great Golf, Funny Golfing

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

- P. J. O'Rourke

topic: Golf, Long Walks, Two, Humorous Golf, Funny Golfing

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

- Chi Chi Rodriguez

topic: Golf, Bags, Woods, Great Golf, Funny Golfing

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.

- Keith Michael

topic: Golf, Mind, Body, Funny Golfing, Golf Love

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

- Bob Hope

topic: Sports, Golf, Player, Professional Sports, Funny Golf

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.

- Paul Gallico

source: Paul Gallico (2015). “Farewell to Sport”, p.165, Open Road Media

topic: Golf, Men, Humorous Golf, Larceny, Funny Golfing

Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet.

- Tommy Bolt

source: "Golf: The Game of Lessening Failures". Book by Bob Glanville, 2010.

topic: Golf, Opportunity, Blow, Touchy, Funny Golfing

Playing golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.

- Winston Churchill

source: Winston Churchill (1987). “The Irrepressible Churchill: Stories, Sayings and Impressions of Sir Winston Churchill”, London : Robson Books

topic: Golf, Pills, Cows, Good Golf, Funny Golfing

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

- Earl Wilson

topic: Disappointment, Golf, Broken, Great Golf, Funny Golfing

The harder you work, the luckier you get.

- Gary Player

topic: Inspirational, Motivational, Work, Motivational Bodybuilding, Luck And Hard Work

The better your attitude and the harder you work, the luckier you get.

- Robert G. Allen

topic: Attitude, Harder, Motivational Bodybuilding, Funny Golfing, Golf Putting

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

- Will Rogers

source: Quoted in Michael HobbsThe Golf Quotation Book (1992).

topic: Funny, Sports, Hate, Inspirational Golf, Motivational Golf

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

- Sam Snead

topic: Golf, Shadow, Balls, Humorous Golf, Golf Ball

Of all the hazards, fear is the worst.

- Sam Snead

topic: Golf, Hazards, Worst, Occupational Hazards, Great Golf

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.

- Gerald R. Ford

topic: Golf, Eagles, Games, Golf Ball, Elk

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.

- George Robertson, Baron Robertson of Port Ellen

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Golf, Swings, Practice, Humorous Golf, Great Golf

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

- Jerry Barber

topic: Sports, Practice, Inspirational Athlete, Inspirational Golf, Sports Competition

Baseball reveals character; golf exposes it.

- Ernie Banks

topic: Baseball, Character, Golf, Funny Golfing

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

- Robin Williams

topic: Golf, Men, Games, Funny Golfing, Golf Game