source: Megan Whalen Turner (2017). “World of the Queen's Thief Collection: The Thief, The Queen of Attolia, The King of Attolia, A Conspiracy of Kings, Thick as Thieves”, p.18, HarperCollins

topic: Cutting, Mouths, Legs, Cutting Off, Gags

Gags die, humor doesn't.

- Jack Benny

topic: Death, Humor, Gags

Whenever I catch a chunk of an Adam Sandler comedy on cable, it looks as badly shot and goofily tossed off as a Jerry Lewis gag reel once he hit the late downslide with 'Hardly Working' and 'Cracking Up.'

- James Wolcott

topic: Looks, Comedy, Adam, Cracking Up, Gags

If we can but tear the blindfold of self-deception from our eyes and loosen the gag of self-denial from our voices, we can restore our country to greatness.

- Theodore C. Sorensen

source: "Congressional Record, V. 150, PT. 13, July 22, 2004 to September 14, 2004". Book published by Government Printing Office, p. 18022, 2009.

topic: Country, Eye, Greatness, Gags, Blindfolds

It [death] chokes you, gags you, but you have to pretend that you're doing just fine, not trembling with this fear because the end is close.

- Ellen Hopkins

topic: Choke, Ends, Trembling, Gags

I just don't want to live like I used to. And at some point, I'm going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I've got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future.

- Charlie Sheen

topic: Past, Doors, Order, Gags

The strangest thing. I came to the end of other people so quickly. Each new person was like a glass of water, and at the beginning I was parched, but then each glass tasted a little worse, the water was grittier, and by the end even the first sip was enough to make me gag, you know?

- Arthur Phillips

source: Arthur Phillips (2010). “The Song is You”, p.254, Gerald Duckworth & Co

topic: Glasses, Water, People, Gags

I don't think it's aiming at gags, I think the humour is woven into it. It's part of how the characters operate and how they deal with disaster because they're worldly enough to have a bit of irony and wryness about their own circumstances. So, I think the humour comes out of that.

- Colin Firth

source: "Then She Found Me - Colin Firth interview". Interview with Rob Carnevale, www.indielondon.co.uk.

topic: Character, Thinking, Woven, Gags

I think the strangest thing probably is when I went to Japan, and I don't know what the hell I was eating, but there was this one thing that seemed to be in a lot of soups and things there - I always called it pond scum. It looked exactly like the green stuff that floats on top of a pond. I would say, "Oh my God, this has pond scum in it!" I would eat it, to be polite, because we were usually with Japanese people and I didn't want to gag or spit it out or anything. And I still don't know what it was.

- Cassandra Peterson

source: "Elvira on her date with Elvis and the fish recipe she got from Vincent Price". Interview with Katie Rife, aux.avclub.com. October 5, 2016.

topic: Thinking, Japan, People, Gags

There is a relationship between humor and fear. Think of all the gags you ever heard that have to do with dismemberment, or something that's horrible in one way or another, even if it's just horrible in the sense that somebody's being embarrassed. What do kids laugh at? Kids laugh if your fly's down. That's hilarious. But for the kid whose fly is down, it's a horrible situation.

- Stephen King

topic: Kids, Thinking, Laughing, Gags

In the end, everything is a gag.

- Charlie Chaplin

topic: Laughter, Powerful, Humor, Gags

If you start to disrespect the character you're playing, or play it too much for laughs, that can work for a sketch, it will sell some gags, but it's all technique. It's like watching a juggler - you can be impressed by it, but it's not going to touch you in any way.

- Steve Coogan

topic: Character, Play, Laughing, Jugglers, Gags

Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.

- Ken Dodd

source: "Dodd's Bolton Bonus". www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk. February 15, 2007.

topic: Monsters, Television, Eating, Gags

It's been a while. I haven't seen the actual gag reel they put on the DVD. I just saw the DVD myself, so I know that it's going to be some version of what we saw at our wrap party. Some of the funniest things probably wouldn't make it to the DVD and that involved Ryan O'Neal singing and they intercut that with the American Idol judges judging him, which was pretty funny.

- Emily Deschanel

source: "Emily Deschanel Talks Bones: Season 2". Interview with Evan Jacobs, movieweb.com. September 26, 2007.

topic: Party, Dvds, Idols, Gags, American Idol

You have to take the horror seriously but there's gags aplenty. Most people, when they do horror it's just grim.

- Bruce Campbell

source: "Standards & Practices Can Kiss Bruce Campbell's Ass". Interview with Lori Rackl, editorial.rottentomatoes.com. October 29, 2015.

topic: People, Horror, Grim, Gags

If this is something you'd truly like to work on, not out of a sense of guilt but because you would enjoy occasionally reciprocating, there are a wealth of resources out there for the enthusiastic amateur (you are far from the only would-be blow-jobber whose spirit is willing but gag reflex is weak). You have more options than "no blow jobs, ever" and "regular whole-hog sessions to completion that result in vomiting."

- Mallory Ortberg

topic: Jobs, Blow, Guilt, Gags, Blow Job

The gag rule must be eliminated, and it's just the gag rule, we're not talking now even about funding abortion. We're talking about, you know, counseling and speaking, so that's one. That can be reversed by an executive order. [George W.]Bush put it in the first day he got in office. We hope that [Barack] Obama takes it out. He had cut off funding for the United Nations Population Fund, UNFPA, even though Congress had appropriated. It is injured women who are the poorest of the poor.

- Eleanor Smeal

source: Interview with Joanne Bamberger, www.blogher.com. December 22, 2008.

topic: Cutting, Order, Talking, Poorest, Executive Orders

The gag rule is, is that if any program receiving United States funding for Family Planning cannot mention, cannot speak the word "abortion" in the Third World.

- Eleanor Smeal

source: Interview with Joanne Bamberger, www.blogher.com. December 22, 2008.

topic: Abortion, Receiving, United States, Family Planning, Gags

My role is almost a sight-gag. I have to be a woman to sing the lyrics "I am a man" to have it be a joke. I start the lyric in a male-register and a whole coloratura up into a soprano. And other points in the show... like the guy who likes to be treated like a baby and wear a diaper!

- Max von Essen

topic: Baby, Men, Sight, Register, Gags

I started pulling gags on Al [Pachino]. That was the moment I realized that he was absolutely out of his mind. I mean that he's certifiably insane. I wouldn't spend a night in a room where he's at.

- Johnny Depp

source: "Johnny Depp on His Varied Career, Jack Sparrow, and “Torturing” Leonardo DiCaprio". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. February 6, 2016.

topic: Mean, Night, Mind, Gags

When I eat cilantro, it's like someone sprayed perfume down my throat. It closes up my throat, even if there's only a little piece. I like Mexican food, and I'll go out to a Mexican restaurant and tell them, 'Look, I will die if you get cilantro in my food.' Then there's always that one little piece that falls in, and I gag.

- Amber Rose

topic: Fall, Mexican, Looks, Mexican Food, Gags

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was the quarter from behind the ear gag. He would never put the time in.

- Gary Gulman

topic: Devil, Ears, Quarters, Gags

It's a simple and an effective way of getting everyone on the same page, prepared and paying attention to the gag. People just get into that frame of mind of you doing impressions. It can take a minute or two for an audience to catch on when you aren't doing one.

- Frank Caliendo

topic: Simple, Two, People, Gags

My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

- Doug Stanhope