Funny Love quotes
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Respectable people do not write music or make love as a career.
-- Alexander Borodin -
I don't have a boyfriend right now. I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support.
-- Anna Nicole Smith -
Don't let love interfere with your appetite. It never does with mine.
-- Anthony Trollope -
Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret.
-- Aphra Behn -
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
-- Aristotle Onassis -
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
-- Benjamin Franklin -
Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
-- Bill Cosby -
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
-- Bill Maher -
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
-- Billy Connolly -
My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'
-- Bob Monkhouse -
Love is a state of mind which has nothing to do with the mind.
-- Bob Phillips -
The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.
-- Charles de Gaulle -
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Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended.
-- Cher -
Men aren't necessities. They're luxuries.
-- Cher -
The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much.
-- Colin Chapman -
Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings
-- David Sedaris -
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If it's true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers.
-- Doris Day -
I don't know if I want to get married again.
-- Doris Day -
You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.
-- Elayne Boosler -
Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.
-- Elbert Hubbard -
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In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs.
-- Francois Truffaut -
I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.
-- Garry Shandling -
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
-- Gilbert K. Chesterton -
I never said, 'I want to be alone.' I only said, 'I want to be let alone!' There is all the difference.
-- Greta Garbo -
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
-- Groucho Marx -
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
-- Jackie Mason -
On quiet nights, when I'm alone, I like to run our wedding video backwards, just to watch myself walk out of the church a free man.
-- Jim Davidson -
I judge how much a man cares for a woman by the space he allots her under a jointly shared umbrella.
-- Jimmy Cannon -
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It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.
-- John Bulwer -
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
-- Katharine Hepburn -
Women love a self-confident bald man.
-- Larry David -
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.
-- Leonardo da Vinci -
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Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
-- Mae West -
If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
-- Mahatma Gandhi -
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.
-- Mickey Rooney -
Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty.
-- Mignon McLaughlin -
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A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.
-- Moliere -
True friends stab you in the front.
-- Oscar Wilde -
Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.
-- Remy de Gourmont -
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers.
-- Richard Pryor -
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It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
-- Robert Frost -
If we take matrimony at it's lowest, we regard it as a sort of friendship recognised by the police.
-- Robert Louis Stevenson -
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
-- Robert Orben -
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
-- Steve Martin -
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My wife's nagging is like living near the airport. After a while you don't notice it any more.
-- Tom Arnold -
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.
-- Tony Curtis -
A light heart lives long.
-- William Shakespeare -
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
-- Woody Allen -
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
-- Woody Allen -
I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor -
Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it.
-- Gene Perret -
I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
-- Jean Illsley Clarke -
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Hate is funny. Love isn't. Love can kill you. Hate can keep you alive.
-- Carol Grace -
You can't put a price tag on preparation for a pandemic.
-- Richard E. Besser
