Funny Birthday Card Quotes:

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

- Steven Wright

topic: Birthday, Fighting, My Birthday, Funny Birthday Card

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

- Dorothy Parker

topic: Birthday, Age, May, Quotations Birthday Happy Birthday, Ageing

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

- Maurice Chevalier

source: Quoted in James B. Simpson, Contemporary Quotations (1964)

topic: Funny, Birthday, Health, Humorous Birthday, Staying Young

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

- Bob Hope

topic: Birthday, Witty, Funny Inspirational, Old Jokes, Celebrate Birthday

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up, Humorous Birthday, Middle Aged

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.

- Tom Wilson

topic: Happy Birthday, Wisdom, Silly, Old Jokes, Coming Of Age

Age is not important unless you're a cheese.

- Helen Hayes

topic: Birthday, Important, Age, Old Age Humor, Celebrate Birthday

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

- Jerry Seinfeld

topic: Birthday, Blow, Cake, Birthday Cake, Old Birthday

They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.

- Malcolm Cowley

source: Malcolm Cowley (1982). “The view from 80”, Penguin Books, 1982

topic: Birthday, Missing, Mind, Humorous Birthday, Old Age Humor

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

- Ogden Nash

source: "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

topic: Relationship, Two, People, Humorous Birthday, Marriage Humor

There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.

- Lewis Carroll

topic: Birthday, Hypocrisy, Three, Humorous Birthday, Humpty Dumpty

With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.

- William Shakespeare

topic: Birthday, Happiness, Laughter, Happier Life, Birthday Cake

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

- Erma Bombeck

source: Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.135, Open Road Media

topic: Birthday, Marriage, Husband, Humorous Birthday, Quotations Birthday Happy Birthday

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

- Lucille Ball

topic: Happy Birthday, Beauty, Funny Inspirational, Humorous Birthday, Staying Young

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

- Theodore Roosevelt

topic: Happy Birthday, Congratulations, Journey, Humorous Birthday, Milestone Birthday

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

- Robert Frost

topic: Birthday, Growing Up, Carpe Diem, Humorous Birthday, Milestone Birthday

Whatever with the past has gone, The best is always yet to come.

- Lucy Larcom

source: LUCY LARCOM (1869). “POEMS”, p.179

topic: Inspirational, Birthday, Past, Milestone Birthday, 21st Birthday

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

- Chili Davis

topic: Birthday, Growing Up, Growing, Inspirational Age, Older People

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

- Robert Orben

topic: Birthday, Funny Birthday, Funny Happy Birthday, Humorous Birthday, Milestone Birthday

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

- Herbert V. Prochnow

topic: Birthday, Wife, Way, Humorous Birthday, Husband To Be

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.

- Coco Chanel

topic: Funny, Birthday, Beauty, Makeup And Beauty, Staying Young

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

- Jack Benny

topic: Mind, Age, Matter, Humorous Birthday, Staying Young

Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

- C. E. M. Joad

topic: Birthday, Wine, Turning 50, Oil And Vinegar, Best Wine

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

- John Glenn

source: "Ohio's Sen. Glenn Won't Run Again In 1998" by Candy Crowley, www.cnn.com.

topic: Birthday, Friends, Death, Humorous Birthday, Milestone Birthday

You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

- Germaine Greer

topic: Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness, Humorous Birthday, Mature And Immature

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

- Mark Twain

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Motivational, Humorous Birthday, Staying Young

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Happy Birthday, Time, Children, Young Mother, Wonderful Experience

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

- Bob Hope

topic: Happy Birthday, Funny Inspirational, Humorous, Humorous Birthday, Birthday Cake

Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.

- Jean Paul

topic: Birthday, Time, Wings, Birthday Cake, Old Birthday

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.

- Pope Paul VI

topic: Birthday, Tunes, 60th Birthday, Milestone Birthday, Quotations Birthday Happy Birthday

Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

- Arthur Schopenhauer

topic: Birthday, Congratulations, Age, Humorous Birthday, Inspirational Age

Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

- Pope John XXIII

topic: Birthday, Drinking, Wine, Vineyards, Oil And Vinegar

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.

- George Eliot

topic: Funny, Happy Birthday, Time, Milestone, Milestone Birthday

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.

- Victor Hugo

topic: Health, Medicine, 50th Birthday, Staying Young, Inspirational Age

Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty.

- Franz Kafka

topic: Youth, Capacity, Inspirational Beauty, Milestone Birthday, Old Birthday