Vending Machines Quotes:

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

- Mitch Hedberg

topic: Fun, Glasses, Mad, Candy Bar, Vending Machines

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

- Caroline Rhea

topic: Hilarious, Machines, My Favorite, Vending Machines, Gymnasiums

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

- Mitch Hedberg

topic: Fall, Snacks, Machines, Candy Bar, Vending Machines

I'd watch my father get up at 5 o'clock and go down to the Eastern Market in Detroit to do the shopping for his restaurant, and get that business going and then go out on his vending machine business.

- Ed Bradley

topic: Father, Shopping, Watches, Eastern, Vending Machines

We need to reform our school lunch programs. We need to get healthy items into the vending machines.

- Joan Lunden

topic: School, Lunch, Healthy, Vending Machines, School Lunch

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.

- Mitch Hedberg

topic: Funny, Real, Humor, Vending Machines

Parents have a right to expect that their efforts at home won't be undone each day in the school cafeteria or in the vending machine in the hallway. ...Parents have a right to expect that their kids will be served fresh, healthy food that meets high nutritional standards.

- Michelle Obama

topic: Children, School, Kids, Child Obesity, Healthy Food

One simply turns to the ideological vending machine, and out comes the prepared formulae.

- Daniel Bell

source: Daniel Bell (1962). “The End of Ideology: On the Exhaustion of Political Ideas in the Fifties : with "The Resumption of History in the New Century"”, p.405, Harvard University Press

topic: Machines, Turns, Prepared, Vending Machines

Vending Machine: "This product has no known nutritional value and may cause irritability or wakefulness in some individuals. Please enjoy your selection and your day." Eve: "Up yours.

- Nora Roberts

topic: May, Causes, Machines, Vending Machines

We believe that God is like a giant vending machine in the sky. We put in our requests in the form of prayers, and then the vending machine dispenses these prayers based upon how well we've followed the rules that someone else has told us are God's rules.

- Wayne Dyer

source: "Become A Mighty Manifester An Interview with Wayne Dyer". Interview with Randy Peyser, www.randypeyser.com.

topic: Prayer, Believe, Sky, Vending Machines

I don't see the government as a beverage vending machine, where anyone who happens to be thirsty can grab a drink.

- Mathias Dopfner

topic: Government, Machines, Beverages, Vending Machines

When all of your decisions are based on economics, you end up with a sameness of vision. You're not taking the risks, you're not exploiting the passions of your creators. You're manufacturing product for a huge vending machine.

- Steven Bochco

topic: Passion, Decision, Risk, Vending Machines

Male sexual response is far brisker and more automatic. It is triggered easily by things - like putting a quarter in a vending machine.

- Alex Comfort

source: Alex Comfort (1986). “The Joy of Sex”, Pocket

topic: Women, Males, Machines, Vending Machines

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

- Natasha Leggero

topic: Funny, Sex, Humor, Doritos, Vending Machines

Just tell me, Percy, do you still have the birthday gift I gave you last summer?" I nodded and pulled out my camp necklace. It had a bead for every summer I'd been at Camp Half-Blood, but since last year I'd also kept a sand dollar on the cord. My father had given it to me for my fifteenth birthday. He'd told me I would know when to "spend it," but so far I hadn't figured out what he meant. All I knew that it didn't fit the vending machines in the school cafeteria.

- Rick Riordan

topic: Summer, Father, School, Cafeteria, Last Summer

I turned around and headed back to the stairwell, planning to go downstairs and buy a chocolate bar from the vending machine. Maybe it would fall on me and end my misery.

- Kenneth Oppel

topic: Fall, Chocolate, Bars, Chocolate Bars, Vending Machines

Some people seem to believe that for each problem there is a solution readily available - a solution that can be promptly achieved by passing a law and voting some money. I think of this as the vending machine concept of social change. Put a coin in the machine and out comes a piece of candy. If there is a social problem, pass a law and out comes a solution.

- John W. Gardner

topic: Believe, Thinking, Law, Social Problems, Vending Machines

I like it when you reach into a vending machine to grab your candy bar, and that flap goes up to block you from reaching up? That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owners. "Yeah, what candy bar are you getting?" "That one, and every one on the bottom row!"

- Mitch Hedberg

topic: Funny, Block, Humor, Candy Bar, Vending Machines

It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.

- David Sedaris

topic: Gun, America, Machines, Vending Machines

You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England; exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities; and much, much more.

- Dave Barry

topic: Coffee, Cambridge University, Machines, Vending Machines

Congress, 535 commoditized temple monkeys pawing through the ruins of America in search of bribes. The bicameral whorehouse on Capitol Hill works like a vending machine. You put coins in the slot, select your law, and the desired legislation slides out.

- Fred Reed

topic: Law, America, Machines, Vending Machines, Capitol Hill

Wait a minute, words in the prompter, script on my desk, vending machine upstairs out of Funyuns... the writers are back!

- Jon Stewart

source: "Listening In as Writers Return to Late-Night Shows". "All Things Considered" with Melissa Block, www.npr.org. February 14, 2008.

topic: Waiting, Machines, Scripts, Vending Machines

The Holy Spirit's power cannot be harnessed. His power cannot be used to accomplish anything other than the Father's will. He is not a candy dispenser. He is not a vending machine. He is not a genie waiting for someone to rub His lamp the right way. He is holy God.

- Charles Stanley

source: Charles Stanley (1995). “The Wonderful Spirit-Filled Life”, p.78, Thomas Nelson Inc

topic: Father, Waiting, Lamps, Genies, Vending Machines

Mom used to walk with me for something like two or three miles to get to the day-old bakery. They had those machines where you buy doughnuts, those vending machines with the long johns and doughnuts. We would buy those bagels and pastries because that was our treat. And come back with shopping bags of these sweets, and who knows what was in it? That was what we could afford that could feed that many people.

- Sandra Cisneros

source: "Talking in Our Pajamas: A Conversation with Sandra Cisneros on Finding Your Voice, Fear of Highways, Tacos, Travel, and the Need for Peace in the World". Interview with Ruth Behar, quod.lib.umich.edu. 2008.

topic: Mom, Sweet, Shopping, Bagels, Bakeries

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right out of Vending Machine Refill Person School.

- Dave Barry

source: "Dave Barry's Greatest Hits". Book by Dave Barry, 1988.

topic: Funny, School, Mean, Yellowstone, Snuff

I'm not sure I knew what an entrepreneur was when I was ten, but I knew that starting little businesses and trying to sell greeting cards or newspapers door-to-door or just vending machine kind of thing is.. there's just something very intriguing to me about that.

- Steve Case

topic: Business, Doors, Entrepreneur, Greetings, Vending Machines