Greg Gutfeld quotes

  • A Smith & Wesson does more for empowering women than Feminism ever could
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Empowering #Feminism #Doe

  • They [policemen] are in a profession that if you do the job incorrectly, or proceeding incorrectly, it's over for you because there isn't any supporter backup. If you make a mistake as a plumber, you know, you fix it and everything goes on or you get sued. But if you make a mistake as a cop, you are more infamous than Jesse James, everything's over.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Jobs #Mistake #Goes On

  • A funny thing about tolerant people? They're really only tolerant when you agree with them.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Funny Things #People #Agree

  • Private citizens and companies are always seen as evil and greedy, because they want to profit. But the government picks your pocket any chance it can get, but they're never called greedy.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Government #Evil #Pockets

  • People ask me what I am politically and I've previously offered this equation: I became a conservative by being around liberals. And I became a libertarian after being around conservatives.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #People #Libertarian #Conservative

  • The thing which Reagan did, which was great, was he won the people. He marginalized the media. And that's what you need, an intellectual agility.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Media #People #Intellectual

  • ObamaCare is creating nothing but misery for everybody.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Obamacare #Creating #Misery

  • Celebrities are the doormats to power.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Doormat

  • ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Obamacare #Fart #Health Care

  • We need somebody that can unify a country in spite of a vocal powerful media that's intent on division. It's not about winning the media. It's about winning the people, and I don't think it's necessarily persuasive to eat - to cannibalize yourself. I think that you have to pick the winner.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Country #Powerful #Winning

  • [In] 2010, Woody Allen said that he felt Barack Obama should be a dictator so that he could get things done, and the first thing obviously that Woody Allen wanted done is to make it legal to have sex with stepdaughters.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Sex #Done #Firsts

  • I don't know if you get anything more adorable than a tiny pig eating an apple. And here's a fun fact. This is how you make apple-smoked bacon.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Fun #Pigs #Apples

  • The first mistake is trying to explain morality to a terrorist. Like trying to teach a rock to drive. It is impossible.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Mistake #Rocks #Trying

  • Monitoring activities is neither new or intrusive. We did that with communities in terms of getting rid of the mob. And cops, believe me, do not want to do this. Do you think they really want to listen to you chant five times a day. However, you should look on the bright side: you might convert them.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Believe #Thinking #Community

  • American people, what about the American people? I think the president delights in the fact that they have been roofied by technology and pop culture. They're not conscious to any expansion of power, which is why they're happy to exist in this dependant decline.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Technology #Thinking #People

  • When someone in power declares that something is broken that means it's actually fine. What they're really saying is, "Let's change this so I like it and ruin it." Nothing is ever broken.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Mean #Broken #Ruins

  • The problem with legalization is we already have a dependent generation that's subsidized to oblivion. And will legal pot somehow slice another sliver of the population off of the productive world?
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Population #Generations #World

  • Magic Johnson links his HIV and treatment to health care as though ObamaCare would provide the same level of care that a mega rich celebrity would get. Is he going to dump his coverage? Is he going to dump it and sign up for ObamaCare?
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Obamacare #Magic #Hiv

  • If the immigrant is responsible for assimilation of the country, and some of these people are in fact are born there. But if you find it unwelcoming to your own barbaric notions of equality, that is not on the country, that is on you. If you leave a horrible place, please leave your horrible practices behind.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Country #Practice #People

  • We're already going down that path with illegal drug use and incarceration. I can't imagine it getting any worse.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Drug #Use #Path

  • The Islamophobia phobes, (ph) the writers and the editors and the talking heads who deny an existence of evil while blaming those who speak up. There no difference - different than the apologists for communism. As communism killed millions, they, they denied it.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Talking #Editors #Differences

  • Security should not be a black and white thing.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Black And White #Should #Security

  • We need to remember who the enemy is, and then we need to eat them alive.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Enemy #Needs #Alive

  • The problem with leftism as a vice is that everyone else is stuck with the hangover.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Hangover #Vices #Problem

  • The [Confederate] Flag is - literally - sewed division. People claim it means different things to different people, but it harkens back to the pro-slavery side of the war.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #War #Mean #People

  • There are always gonna be people that are gonna be offended about something. This will never end.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #People #Ends #Offended

  • You should try to get fired once in a while. It's good for you.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Trying #Should

  • If you're hiring, if you're the person doing the hiring, forgive a scar or two. Remember that when we were young, we were also idiots. There were just no cameras there to catch it.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Two #Forgiving #Cameras

  • One thing I noticed when I was young was I was impatient for success. I think everybody is impatient for success. It will come. But don't - you shouldn't let that impatience drive you crazy.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Crazy #Thinking #Impatient

  • Delayed gratification is the one thing we ignore these days. And if you delay it, it becomes more pleasurable later in life.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Delay #These Days #Gratification

  • Commencement addresses are usually garbage. They're for colleges seeking publicity.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #College #Addresses #Garbage

  • I have friends my age who started smoking pot when they got out of college. They didn't get anywhere. But if they drank, they managed to go somewhere. Does that make sense?
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #College #Smoking #Age

  • I never quit. I just got fired.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Never Quit #Quitting

  • I guess if your heart's in the right place, the trash can go anywhere.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Heart #Trash #Trash Cans

  • How can you have a reasonable debate with people who are constantly changing the panic? They are moving the panic to a greater wave of hysteria?
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Moving #Hysteria #People

  • When you have a TV show or when you are running a magazine, you have to remember that your audience isn't rich. They're not made of money.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Running #Tv Shows #Magazines

  • Legal gun ownership always prevails over the emotionalism of the gun control movement.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Gun #Movement #Ownership

  • Is your relationship strong enough to survive a trip to Ikea? Is their furniture strong enough to survive a relationship? Have you ever bought a bed there?
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Strong #Ikea #Bed

  • Ask dumb questions and listen quietly for the answers. That's a wisdom stair climber.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Dumb #Answers #Stairs

  • In the hands of fiends, guns will kill you. In your hands, they protect against such fiends.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Gun #Hands #Protect

  • I am not the least bit religious, but at least I stick up for the good work of religion and the cascade of benefits that come from religion.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Religious #Benefits #Sticks

  • I'm sure if you could survey the unborn they would prefer the chance for life over the options of solar power.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Chance #Surveys #Solar Power

  • Republicans do actually care about health care. They just don't care about government-run health care.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Running #Government #Care

  • Military simulation is an important way of training people for an emergency
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Military #People #Training

  • It's easy to whip up resentment against anything that smacks with authority. Nobody ever organizes over pan handlers. So even if a cop is black, like the three arrested in Baltimore, or one dead in Mississippi, the hard left uses race as the underlying cause. It's why there are no defiant marches when policemen are killed.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Race #Black #Three

  • The problem with the immigration debate, it's probably is the most poisoned and political debate of any issue, because you have this huge voting bloc that everybody says is yours
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Issues #Political #Voting

  • We have two nations, and it's not black or white. It's red and blue. Under Republican leadership, cities tend to do better. Cities are destroyed under Democrats, because they don't know how to deal with the constituency; they're terrified.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Two #White #Blue

  • Good people suddenly don't turn bad.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #People #Good People #Turns

  • Fake sympathy is the politicians demanding more cash as they ignore the underlying crisis. They prefer money over morality.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Fake #Cash #Morality

  • Accusing a politician of being politically expedient is like accusing water of being wet or circles for being round.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Circles #Water #Politician

  • I want to make a positive point of Ikea. It makes income inequality a minor distraction.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Ikea #Income #Want

  • The best thing about Ikea - I'm going to do a quiz here - the names. Do you know what a Floria Fin (ph) is? It's a candle. A Pogestra (ph) - table. A Bar Grick (ph) is a plate, an Eterleeg (ph) is a wine glass and a Scuggle (ph) is the name of my third nipple.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Wine #Ikea #Glasses

  • Move somewhere with decent public transit so you don't drive drunk and hit somebody.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Moving #Drunk #Decent

  • Steer clear of pot. It's an ambition zapper. Wait till you've made it. When you're 45 buy a bong. But for now, buy a suit.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Ambition #Waiting #Suits

  • If you're a Republican and rich, that's evil. But if you're a Democrat and rich, that's great.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Evil #Republican #Rich

  • The government is controlling your mind through chem trails, we all know this is true.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Government #Mind #Trails

  • Job creation is important I think, but it's not the critical issue for Republicans.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Jobs #Thinking #Issues

  • I would like to see a president with a monocle.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #President #Monocles

  • It goes back to the if identity becomes your achievement, what do you do, this is what happens? And I do think it leads to psychological disorders. You have to start doing things and stop thinking about yourself.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Thinking About You #Psychological Disorders #Achievement

  • It's not enough to be right because he [Rick Perry] is right, you got to be persuasively right, got to be intellectually agile, and I think he can do it.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Thinking #Enough

  • Republicans are systematically and deliberately trying to stop millions of American citizens from voting. What part of democracy are they afraid of? I call on Republicans at all levels of government, with all manner of ambition, to stop fear mongering about a phantom epidemic of election fraud. I'm calling for universal, automatic voter registration, every citizen in every state in the union.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Ambition #Epidemics #Government

  • I'm thinking about American votes and American - all Americans, black or white have to be concerned about what's happening in the world.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Thinking #White #Black

  • The metric system was designed to get people to enter charity runs.Do you think you would go run a 3.1 mile race? No, but if somebody says, hey, 5 km. You go, 5km sounds pretty impressive.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Running #Thinking #Race

  • I don't understand why a 40 is a quarter of beer when a 40 is 40 ounces. It's time to embrace the metric system.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Beer #Metrics #Metric System

  • If Russia, if Russia had the same military power that America did, earth would be called Russia.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Military #Russia #America

  • I've always wondered, how did Hitler get away with so much for so long?
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Long #Get Away

  • The world understands that our country could solve all conflicts with military solutions, but we won't because we have leaders and we have a moral responsibility but we have also have a political - we have a political leader who is scared and who is raised on the idea that American force is the true evil.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Country #Military #Responsibility

  • 92 people are killed every single day in car fatalities. What if we filmed every one of them? No one would drive cars.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #People #Car #What If

  • We need an idiot middle ground, where we have to be honest and say, kids can be idiots and cops can be idiots.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Kids #Needs #Honest

  • The irony of prison is that it takes years and years and years to plan an elaborate escape, but all you have is years and years and years.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Years #Irony #Prison

  • Ocean privilege does not exist anymore. The world is small. We cannot rely on distance anymore.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Distance #Ocean #Doe

  • When the government sees a poor area, its solution is to move the poor out.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Moving #Government #Poor

  • When immigrants go into the worse neighborhood and they fix it up, they should become citizens.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Citizens #Should #Neighborhood

  • The problem is, then you see immigrants saving cities in Baltimore and you see 40 Korean groceries get burned down.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Cities #Saving #Baltimore

  • The media treats fear like a one-night stand. They jump on it and then they leave the next day and they forget - remember the Alar Scare? Things - see, nobody even remembers Alar.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Night #Media #Scare

  • When you are so obsessed with identity politics it's not healthy because you're constantly worried about how you're perceived as opposed to your achievements. Once your identity becomes your achievement then you run into serious problems.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Running #Achievement #Healthy

  • Paternity, paternity. Let's think about this. This discriminates against the childless. So you get a year off because you produce a brat. If anything if you have a child you should work more because your brat's going to annoy me at the restaurants.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Children #Thinking #Years

  • The people who whine about Fox News are hypocrites - they say they're totally tolerant, but when they run into someone who doesn't share their assumptions, they say, 'Fox News is evil, and it must be stopped.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Running #Hypocrite #People

  • I know that if I say something that's considered outrageous, a group will take it, create an email blast, and use me to raise money or to do whatever, to build their profile.
    -- Greg Gutfeld

    #Email #Groups #Use

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