Alcoholism Funny Quotes:

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

- Frank Sinatra

topic: Drinking, Beer, Men, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

A man who drinks too much on occasion is still the same man as he was sober. An alcoholic, a real alcoholic, is not the same man at all. You can't predict anything about him for sure except that he will be someone you never met before.

- Raymond Chandler

source: Raymond Chandler (2002). “The Long Goodbye: A Novel”, p.169, Vintage Crime/Black Lizard

topic: Real, Drinking, Men, Alcoholism, Alcohol Addiction

I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.

- Bette Midler

topic: Drinking, Drunk, Perspective, Drinking Alcohol, Drinking Party

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

- Joe E. Lewis

topic: Drinking, Ice, Cracks, Alcoholism, Alcoholism Funny

Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.

- Craig Ferguson

topic: Money, Drinking, Heart, Alcohol And Life, Alcoholism Funny

But I'm not a saint yet. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a drug addict. I'm homosexual. I'm a genius.

- Truman Capote

source: Truman Capote (2012). “Music For Chameleons”, p.273, Vintage

topic: Drinking, Alcohol, Drug, Alcoholism Funny

The mentality and behavior of drug addicts and alcoholics is wholly irrational until you understand that they are completely powerless over their addiction and unless they have structured help, they have no hope.

- Russell Brand

topic: Drinking, Addiction, Alcohol, Inspirational Addiction Recovery, Inspirational Drug Recovery

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

- Joe E. Lewis

topic: Men, Drunk, Alcohol, Alcoholism Funny

I'm tired of hearing sin called sickness and alcoholism a disease. It is the only disease I know of that we're spending hundreds of millions of dollars a year to spread.

- Vance Havner

topic: Tired, Years, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Alcohol Abuse

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

- Ernest Hemingway

topic: Funny, Witty, Clever, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall into this vice.

- Abraham Lincoln

topic: Believe, Fall, Heart, Drinking Alcohol, Drinking Cheers

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

- Lord Byron

topic: Drinking, Beer, Men, Alcoholism, Intoxication

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.

- Seneca the Younger

topic: Alcohol, Madness, Drunkenness, Alcoholism, Intemperance

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

- William Butler Yeats

topic: Food, Drinking, Men, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

- Kinky Friedman

topic: Beauty, Philosophy, Eye, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

- Noel Coward

topic: Drinking, Beer, Touching, Drinkers, Alcoholism Funny

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Military, Taken, Drinking, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Funny, Beauty, Sarcastic, Alcoholism, Funny Good Morning

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.

- Carl Jung

topic: Drinking, Addiction, Funny Sarcastic, Inspirational Addiction Recovery, Morphine

I drink to make other people interesting.

- George Jean Nathan

source: George Jean Nathan, Charles Angoff (1998). “The World of George Jean Nathan: Essays, Reviews, & Commentary”, Hal Leonard Corporation

topic: Drinking, People, Interesting, Alcoholism, Liquor Funny

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

- Nancy Astor

topic: Time, Educational, Want, Alcoholism, Liquor Funny

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

- Dylan Thomas

source: Dictionary of 20th Century Quotations quoted by Nigel Rees. Fontana London (1987)

topic: Funny, Drinking, Wine, Soft Drinks, Alcoholism

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Funny, Life, Drinking, Alcoholism, Funny Sarcastic

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

- Dean Martin

source: In Paul Dickson Official Rules (1978) p. 112

topic: Clever, Lying, Humorous, Alcoholism, Drinkers

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

- Ogden Nash

topic: Drinking, Liquor, Candy, Funny Sarcastic, Perspiration

I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.

- Adrian Rogers

topic: Sorry, People, Feels, Sorry Men, Praiseworthy

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

- George Burns

topic: Clever, Drinking, Drunk, Liquor Funny, Drinking And Driving

I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.

- Robert E. Lee

topic: Drinking, Alcohol, Whiskey, Scotch Whisky, Alcoholism

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Drinking, Beer, Wife, Drinking Alcohol, Funny Bar

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

- Dean Martin

source: "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

topic: Drinking, Book, Beer, Funny Sarcastic, Inspirational Golf

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

- Jean Kerr

topic: Drinking, Numbers, People, Liquor Funny, Recovering Alcoholics

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

- George Best

source: "Best: Decline of the golden boy". news.bbc.co.uk. June 14, 2005.

topic: Soccer, Sports, Football, Funny Drinking, Funny Alcohol

When a woman drinks it's as if an animal were drinking, or a child. Alcoholism is scandalous in a woman, and a female alcoholic is rare, a serious matter. It's a slur on the divine in our nature.

- Marguerite Duras

topic: Children, Drinking, Animal, Alcoholism, Scandalous