Birthday Humor Quotes:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

- Mark Twain

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Motivational, Humorous Birthday, Staying Young

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

- Robert Frost

topic: Birthday, Growing Up, Carpe Diem, Humorous Birthday, Milestone Birthday

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

- Chili Davis

topic: Birthday, Growing Up, Growing, Inspirational Age, Older People

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

- Will Rogers

topic: Waiting, Lines, Funny Aging, Funny Happy Birthday, Waiting In Line

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

- John Glenn

source: "Ohio's Sen. Glenn Won't Run Again In 1998" by Candy Crowley, www.cnn.com.

topic: Birthday, Friends, Death, Humorous Birthday, Milestone Birthday

You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

- Germaine Greer

topic: Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness, Humorous Birthday, Mature And Immature

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

- Lucille Ball

topic: Happy Birthday, Beauty, Funny Inspirational, Humorous Birthday, Staying Young

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

- Dorothy Parker

topic: Birthday, Age, May, Quotations Birthday Happy Birthday, Ageing

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up, Humorous Birthday, Middle Aged

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

- Bob Hope

topic: Happy Birthday, Funny Inspirational, Humorous, Humorous Birthday, Birthday Cake

Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.

- Robert Frost

topic: Funny, Birthday, Time, Humorous Birthday, Milestone Birthday

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.

- Norman Wisdom

source: "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Funny, Birthday, Memories, Memory Loss, Birthday Cake

I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.

- Eva Gabor

topic: Loyalty, Believe, Age, Humorous Birthday, Funny Birthday

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

- Groucho Marx

topic: Time, Arrows, Fruit, Milestone Birthday, Infinite Time

You've heard of the three ages of man - youth, age, and you are looking wonderful.

- Francis Spellman

topic: Birthday, Men, Age, Milestone Birthday, Turning 40

Age is not measured by years. Nature does not equally distribute energy. Some people are born old and tired while others are going strong at seventy.

- Dorothy Thompson

source: Dorothy Thompson (1957). “The Courage to be Happy”

topic: Birthday, Strong, Tired, Milestone Birthday, Old Birthday

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

- Herbert V. Prochnow

topic: Birthday, Wife, Way, Humorous Birthday, Husband To Be

It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.

- Ellen Glasgow

topic: Birthday, Lovely, Forget The Past, Old Birthday, 21st Birthday

Pleas'd look forward, pleas'd to look behind,And count each birthday with a grateful mind.

- Alexander Pope

topic: Birthday, Grateful, Mind, Milestone Birthday, 40th Birthday

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Happy Birthday, Time, Children, Young Mother, Wonderful Experience

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

- Robert Orben

topic: Birthday, Funny Birthday, Funny Happy Birthday, Humorous Birthday, Milestone Birthday

Time and tide wait for no man.

- Geoffrey Chaucer

topic: Inspirational, Birthday, Time, Humorous Birthday, Managing Time

They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.

- Malcolm Cowley

source: Malcolm Cowley (1982). “The view from 80”, Penguin Books, 1982

topic: Birthday, Missing, Mind, Humorous Birthday, Old Age Humor

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

- Jack Benny

topic: Mind, Age, Matter, Humorous Birthday, Staying Young

Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.

- Jean Paul

topic: Birthday, Time, Wings, Birthday Cake, Old Birthday

Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

- Pope John XXIII

topic: Birthday, Drinking, Wine, Vineyards, Oil And Vinegar

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

- Maurice Chevalier

source: Quoted in James B. Simpson, Contemporary Quotations (1964)

topic: Funny, Birthday, Health, Humorous Birthday, Staying Young

Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

- C. E. M. Joad

topic: Birthday, Wine, Turning 50, Oil And Vinegar, Best Wine

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.

- Tom Wilson

topic: Happy Birthday, Wisdom, Silly, Old Jokes, Coming Of Age

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

- Kin Hubbard

topic: Humorous, Maturity, Boys, Middle Aged, Birthday Humor

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

- Phyllis Diller

source: Phyllis Diller (1981). “The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions”, Doubleday Books

topic: Cute, Birthday, Funny Relationship, Humorous Birthday, Old Age Humor

Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty.

- Franz Kafka

topic: Youth, Capacity, Inspirational Beauty, Milestone Birthday, Old Birthday