Great Simpsons Quotes:

Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.

- Homer

topic: Looks, Remember, Great Simpsons

I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.

- Homer

topic: World, Gray, Great Simpsons

And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.

- Homer

topic: Here I Am, Sucker, Great Simpsons, Lungs

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

- Matt Groening

topic: Children, Eight, Wife, Pregnant Wife, Funniest Simpsons

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

- Matt Groening

topic: Home, Brain, Stuff, Old Stuff, Funniest Simpsons

Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.

- Martina Navratilova

topic: Funny, Sports, Running, Sporting Events, Inspirational Tennis

Art is what separates us from the animals.

- Iimani David

topic: Art, Animal, Art Is, Police Academy, Weasels

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

- Matt Groening

topic: Loneliness, Dangerous, Cheeseburger, Comic Book Guy, Funny Simpsons

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

- Matt Groening

topic: Funny, Life, Trying, Funniest Simpsons, Funny Simpsons

It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose.

- Sandy Lyle

topic: Sports, Motivational Sports, Winning, Sporting Events, Inspirational Tennis

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.

- Dan Castellaneta

topic: Beer, Solutions, Temporary, Craft Beer, Funny Beer

I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

- Homer

topic: Funniest Simpsons, Funny Simpsons, Great Simpsons

It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Winning, Blame, Funny Simpsons, Sporting Events, Anatomy

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

- Homer

topic: People, Might, Needs, Funniest Simpsons, Funny Simpsons

We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?

- Homer

topic: Fun, Thinking, Law, Police Academy, Great Simpsons

You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.

- Homer

topic: Real, Work Out, Christianity, Great Simpsons

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

- Matt Groening

topic: Fancy, Stuff, Dirt, Funny Simpsons, Great Simpsons

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

- Matt Groening

source: "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons. Treehouse of Horror IV", www.imdb.com. 1993.

topic: Hilarious, Believe, Vampire, Make Believe, Gremlins

When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong! And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

- Homer

topic: Mean, Laughing, Ass, Funny Simpsons, Great Simpsons

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

- Matt Groening

source: "The Simpsons/ The Old Man and the Lisa". Animation, Comedy, 1997.

topic: Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic, Opportunity Knocking, Funniest Simpsons

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

- Matt Groening

topic: Japan, Europe, America, Paraguay, Great Simpsons

You can't handle the truth!

- Jack Nicholson

topic: Movie, Memorable, Great Year, Memorable Movie, Lexicon

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

- Matt Groening

topic: Money, Montana, Sugar, Money And Power, Gangster Movie

Homer no function beer well without.

- Matt Groening

topic: Beer, Ale, Funny Simpsons, Drinking Beer, Funniest Simpsons

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

- Matt Groening

topic: Beer, Tvs, Cold, Cold Beer, Funniest Simpsons

But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

- Homer

topic: Drink, Funniest Simpsons, Funny Simpsons, Great Simpsons

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

- Matt Groening

topic: Life, Hilarious, Funny Beer, Funniest Simpsons, Funny Simpsons

If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way.

- Homer

topic: Jobs, Half, Way, Police Academy, Weasels

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

- Matt Groening

source: "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". TV Series "The Simpsons" ("Boy Scoutz 'n the Hood", 1993), www.imdb.com. (1989– ).

topic: Animal, Important, Funny Simpsons, Police Academy, Weasels

Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.

- Christopher Titus

topic: Revenge, Philosophy, Hippie, Police Academy, Weasels

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson

- Matt Groening

topic: Men, Praying, Funny Simpsons, Cartoon Character, Funniest Simpsons

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

- Matt Groening

topic: Inspiration, Food, Donuts, Funniest Simpsons, Funny Simpsons

Guilt, remorse. It's what separates us from the animals.

- Arthur Mitchell

topic: Animal, Guilt, Remorse, Police Academy, Weasels

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds...it makes ice.

- Homer

topic: Ice, Feet, Six, Great Simpsons