Jeff Foxworthy quotes

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Inspirational #Home #Redneck

I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Dream #Country #Hard Work

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Funny #Dog #Baby

As an individual, as a household, you can't spend more money than you're bringing in. You can do it for a little while, but you end up going broke and you end up losing everything you have. That is the path that we're on as a country, and it scares me to death.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Country #Scare #Littles

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Funny #Family #Feelings

People should see your faith. If all you do is talk about your faith and people don't see it, but they ought to see it in the way you treat your family, you treat your friends, you treat your community.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#People #Community #Way

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Baby #Smell #Comedy

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Thinking #Long #People

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Real #Golf #Play

I always wore cowboy boots and drove a truck, and talked like this. So everywhere I would go in comedy people would say, "Foxworthy, you ain't nothing but a redneck from Georgia!" It kind of became a formula joke.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Redneck #Cowboy #People

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Party #Moon #Office

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Appreciate #Comedian #Comedy

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Funny #Graduation #Hilarious

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy."
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Crazy #Believe #Night

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#People #Comedian #Stuff

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Jobs #Gun #Thinking

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Home #Second Chance #House

I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Horse #Cowboy #Roles

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Book #Redneck #Blue

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#People #Fake #Mustache

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Teacher #Retirement #Work

If you're a redneck, you have that blood flowing through your veins. That's almost on the bucket list, to hear Lynyrd Skynyrd`s "Freebird" live.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Redneck #Blood #Buckets

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Home #Redneck #House

I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Farce #Scripts #Chance

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Jesus #College #Fishing

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#People #Southern #Comedy

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Funny #Redneck #Goal

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Humorous #Phones #Comedy

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Redneck #Might #Salad

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Wife #Funny Marriage #Looks

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Mad

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Ignorance #Careers #Worry

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Home #Redneck #Car

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Fathers Day #Mean #Kids

I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#People #Wish #Family Reunion

You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Teacher #Children #Teaching

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

#Redneck #Bail #Might