Funny Happy Thanksgiving Quotes:

Only a stomach that rarely feels hungry scorns common things.

- Horace

topic: Gratitude, Common, Hungry, Inspirational Gratitude, Funny Thanksgiving Day

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Witty, Humorous, Drinking, Delicious Food, I Love Food

Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England".

- Jay Leno

topic: Thanksgiving, Fun, Long, Christian Thanksgiving, Friends Thanksgiving

It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it.

- Alistair Cooke

source: Alistair Cooke (2015). “Talk About America: 1951–1968”, p.15, Open Road Media

topic: Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Doctrine, Cranberries, Day After Thanksgiving

It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.

- Russell Baker

topic: Grandmother, Funny Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Funny Thanksgiving Day, Funny Happy Thanksgiving

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

- Rita Rudner

source: FaceBook post by Rita Rudner from Nov 13, 2012

topic: Sarcastic, Mother, Sarcasm, Day After Thanksgiving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

Gratitude can turn a meal into a feast.

- Melody Beattie

topic: Gratitude, Meals, Turns, I Am Thankful, Spiritual Gratitude

You may have heard of Black Friday and Cyber Monday. There's another day you might want to know about: Giving Tuesday. The idea is pretty straightforward. On the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, shoppers take a break from their gift-buying and donate what they can to charity.

- Bill Gates

topic: Friday, Monday, Ideas, Day After Thanksgiving, Funny Happy Thanksgiving

Reflect upon your present blessings of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.

- Charles Dickens

topic: Inspirational, Happiness, Thank You, Being Blessed, Inspirational Gratitude

It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful 'in general.' It's very strange. It's a little like being married in general.

- Cornelius Plantinga

source: Cornelius Plantinga (2001). “Beyond Doubt: Faith-Building Devotions on Questions Christians Ask”, p.52, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing

topic: Christian, Funny Thanksgiving, Being Thankful, Funny Thanksgiving Day, Christian Thanksgiving

Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds.

- Theodore Roosevelt

topic: Gratitude, Heart, Deeds, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.

- Epicurus

topic: Food, Looks, Drink, Dine In, Eating And Drinking

How wonderful it would be if we could help our children and grandchildren to learn thanksgiving at an early age. Thanksgiving opens the doors. It changes a child's personality. A child is resentful, negative, or thankful. Thankful children want to give, they radiate happiness, they draw people.

- John Templeton

topic: Thanksgiving, Children, Doors, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.

- Henry Ward Beecher

topic: Life, Thanksgiving, Grateful, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

- Melody Beattie

source: Melody Beattie (2013). “Melody Beattie 4 Title Bundle: Codependent No More and 3 Other Best Sellers by Melody Beattie: A collection of four Melody Beattie best sellers”, Hazelden Publishing

topic: Inspirational, Thankful, Gratitude, Make Things Right, I Am Thankful

If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed - like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.

- Ted Nugent

topic: Funny Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Want, Geese, Funny Happy Thanksgiving

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.

- Willie Nelson

source: "The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your Heart". Book by Willie Nelson, Turk Pipkin, 2006.

topic: Gratitude, Appreciation, Self Confidence, Being Blessed, Spiritual Gratitude

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

- Oprah Winfrey

source: FaceBook post by Oprah Winfrey from Oct 03, 2011

topic: Positive, Thank You, Thankful, Concentrating, Spiritual Blessings

The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest.

- William Blake

topic: Happiness, Thanksgiving, Thankful, I Am Thankful, Inspirational Thank You

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” —

- William Arthur Ward

topic: Thankful, Gratitude, Jobs, Joy And Gratitude, I Am Thankful

There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.

- O. Henry

topic: Thanksgiving, One Day, Thanksgiving Day, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

- Kin Hubbard

topic: Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Kitchen, Carving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

- Kevin James

source: Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

topic: Thanksgiving, Good Day, Men, Day After Thanksgiving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

- John F. Kennedy

topic: Inspirational, Thank You, Thanksgiving, I Am Thankful, Inspirational Gratitude

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

- Melody Beattie

source: Melody Beattie (2003). “The Language of Letting Go: A Meditation Book and Journal for Daily Reflections”, Hazelden Publishing

topic: Happiness, Thank You, Thanksgiving, Joy And Gratitude, I Am Thankful

The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.

- Dalai Lama

topic: Inspirational, Positive, Thank You, Inspirational Gratitude, Inspirational Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

- Erma Bombeck

topic: Thanksgiving, Sports, Food, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

- Craig Ferguson

topic: Funny, Thanksgiving, Football, Family Thanksgiving, Funny Happy Thanksgiving

May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!

- Grandpa Jones

topic: Thanksgiving, Pie, Yams, Thanksgiving Day, Funny Thanksgiving Day

God is glorified, not by our groans, but by our thanksgivings.

- Edwin Percy Whipple

source: Edwin Percy Whipple (1875). “Success and Its Conditions”, p.195

topic: Thankful, Thanksgiving Day, Funny Happy Thanksgiving, Good Actions, Thanksgiving And Love

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

- Irv Kupcinet

topic: Thanksgiving Day, Optimist, Persons, Optimism And Pessimism, Optimism In Life

I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

- Arnold Schwarzenegger

topic: Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Los Angeles, Thanksgiving Day, Funny Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

- Johnny Carson

topic: Thanksgiving, Holiday, Emotional, Day After Thanksgiving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'

- David Letterman

topic: Mom, Drinking, Funny Thanksgiving, Kitties, Thanksgiving Day

We can always find something to be thankful for, and there may be reasons why we ought to be thankful for even those dispensations which appear dark and frowning.

- Albert C. Barnes

topic: Thanksgiving, Thankful, Dark, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

- Albert Schweitzer

topic: Inspirational, Motivational, Friendship, Inner Life, I Am Thankful

He who thanks but with the lips Thanks but in part; The full, the true Thanksgiving Comes from the heart.

- John G. Shedd

source: "The Yale Book of Quotations". Book by Fred R. Shapiro, p. 705, 2006.

topic: Gratitude, Heart, Lips, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

If you count all your assets you always show a profit.

- Wilson Mizner

topic: Motivational, Thanksgiving, Thankful, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Grateful For You

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

- Erma Bombeck

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Life, Gravy, Family Thanksgiving

You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.

- Dylan Brody

topic: Wise, Native American, Funny Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day, Family Thanksgiving

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

- Jon Stewart

topic: Funny, Thanksgiving, Land, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.

- W. Clement Stone

topic: Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Grateful, I Am Thankful, Inspirational Thanksgiving

Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.

- Henry Van Dyke

topic: Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Kindness, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.

- W. T. Purkiser

topic: Thanksgiving, Blessing, Use, Being Blessed, I Am Thankful

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

- Phyllis Diller

topic: Thanksgiving, Fun, Kids, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.

- Jim Davis

source: Jim Davis (2012). “Garfield Eats His Heart Out: His 6th Book”, p.4, Ballantine Group

topic: Food, Funny Thanksgiving, Cake, Delicious Food, Sweets And Desserts

If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.

- Frank A. Clark

topic: Motivational, Thanksgiving, Thankful, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Daily Gratitude