Taxes Funny Quotes:

A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it.

- Ann Landers

topic: Being Thankful, Taxes Funny, Pay, Tax Day

Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids

- Harvey Mackay

topic: Kids, Taxation, Taxes Funny, Tax Day, Accountants

A fool and his money are soon invited everywhere.

- Warren Buffett

topic: Money, Italian, Taxes Funny, Spanish And English, Money Is The Root Of All Evil

It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for.

- Will Rogers

topic: Government, Taxes Funny, Pay

There's no such thing as a good tax.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Taxes Funny, Income Tax, Tax Day, Tax Breaks

We are not certain, we are never certain. If we were we could reach some conclusions, and we could, at last, make others take us seriously. In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

- Benjamin Franklin

topic: World, Lasts, Said, Inheritance Tax, Income Tax

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

- Mark Twain

topic: Funny, Fine, Taxes, Taxes Funny

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

- Mark Twain

topic: Funny, Money, Differences, Income Tax, Federal Taxes

Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Happiness, Marriage, Men, Marriage Humor, Income Tax

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.

- John Maynard Keynes

topic: Funny, Business, Intellectual, Avoidance, Taxes Funny

Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.

- Calvin Coolidge

source: Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

topic: Presidential, Liberty, Taxation, Income Tax, Limited Government

There is no such thing as a good tax.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Business, Taxes, Income Tax, Tax Day, Tax Breaks

I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for half the money

- Arthur Godfrey

source: Quoted in Reader's Digest, Oct. 1951

topic: Money, United States, Paying Taxes, Income Tax, Tax Day

We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Freedom, Humor, Men, Spending Other People's Money, Limited Freedom

Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag

- Jay Leno

topic: Paying Taxes, Red, Example, Tax Day, Taxes Funny

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.

- Laurence J. Peter

source: Dr. Laurence J. Peter (2013). “Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Times”, p.46, Harper Collins

topic: Land, America, Taxation, Income Tax, Tax Dollars

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta

- Dave Barry

topic: Income, Funny Money, Form, Income Tax, Taxes Funny

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

- George Bernard Shaw

source: Everybody's Political What's What? ch. 30 (1944)

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Witty, Funny Leadership, Income Tax

Taxes, after all, are dues that we pay for the privileges of membership in an organized society.

- Franklin D. Roosevelt

topic: Membership, Privilege, Taxation, Tax Day, Taxes Funny

The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians.

- Steve Forbes

topic: Funny, Business, Cutting, Tax Day, Taxes Funny

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.

- Chris Rock

topic: Inspirational, Government, Pay, Tax Day, Taxes Funny

A fool and his money are soon elected.

- Will Rogers

topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Fool, Spanish And English, Money Is The Root Of All Evil

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

- Peg Bracken

topic: Memorable, Cutting, Two, Income Tax, Tax Day

Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.

- Margaret Mitchell

source: Gone with theWind pt. 4, ch. 38 (1936) See Benjamin Franklin 41; Proverbs 63

topic: Birthday, Death, Time, Childbirth, Tax Day

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

- Fred Allen

topic: Income, Way, Lists, Taxes Funny

Taxes are indeed very heavy - We are taxed twice as much by our Idleness. Three times as much by our Pride. And four times as much by our Folly.

- Benjamin Franklin

topic: Pride, Three, Four, Income Tax, Tax Day

When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.

- Plato

topic: Inspirational, Plato, Men, Income Tax, Paying Taxes

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.

- Herman Wouk

topic: Book, Today, Return, Income Tax, Tax Day

The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government.

- Barry Goldwater

topic: Government, Political, Criminals, Income Tax, National Debt

There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him.

- Robert A. Heinlein

topic: Men, Thinking, Political, Income Tax, Paying Taxes

The best things in life are free

- Luther Vandross

topic: Best Things In Life, Money And Happiness, Money Cant Buy Happiness, Money Doesn't Buy Happiness, One Tree Hill Inspirational

The best things in life are free - and $19.95.

- Billy Mays

topic: Best Things In Life, Money And Happiness, Money Cant Buy Happiness, Money Doesn't Buy Happiness, One Tree Hill Inspirational

Government is not a solution to our problem, government is the problem. ... Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. If it stops moving, subsidize it. ... The problem is not that people are taxed too little, the problem is that government spends too much.

- Ronald Reagan

topic: Moving, Government, Views, Income Tax, Strong Economy

Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.

- Will Rogers

topic: Levels, Crooks, Form, Income Tax, Tax Day

I like to pay taxes. With them, I buy civilization.

- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

source: "If we want a civilised society, charities can't fill the void left by government" by Debbie Chachra, www.theguardian.com. October 8, 2013.

topic: Civilization, Pay, Taxes, Paying Taxes, Taxes Funny

More a paraphrase than a quote, really, but it comes from a prayer which was stitched into a sampler above my grandmother's bed. It began like this: 'Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep...'

- Neil Peart

topic: Prayer, Sleep, Grandmother, Paraphrase, I Pray

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

- Will Rogers

topic: Liars, Lying, Golf, Income Tax, Taxes Funny

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

- Will Rogers

topic: Government, Years, Taxation, Creeks, Tax Dollars

To force a man to pay for the violation of his own liberty is indeed an addition of insult to injury.

- Benjamin Tucker

source: Benjamin Ricketson Tucker (1926). “Individual liberty: selections from the writings of Benjamin R. Tucker”

topic: Men, Liberty, Pay, Insult To Injury, Tax Day

I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

- Douglas Adams

topic: Money, Funny Life, Years, Funny Money, Taxes Funny

The United States has a system of taxation by confession

- Hugo Black

topic: United States, Taxation, Confession, Income Tax, Tax Day

Taxes are paid in the sweat of every man who labors.

- Franklin D. Roosevelt

topic: Men, Sweat, Taxes, Paying Taxes, Taxes Funny

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

- Will Rogers

source: "The Wordsworth Dictionary of Quotations". Book by Connie Robertson, 1996.

topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Book, Taxes Funny

Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.

- Ogden Nash

topic: Spring, Years, Wind, Sales Tax, March Poems

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.

- Robert A. Heinlein

source: Robert A. Heinlein (1987). “Time Enough for Love”, p.325, Penguin

topic: Missing You, Strong, Drinking, Strong Drink, Liquor Funny

A fool and his money are soon married.

- Carolyn Wells

topic: Money, Fool, Married, Spanish And English, Money Is The Root Of All Evil

A fool and his money are soon parted. - Five Hundred Points of Good Husbandry.

- Thomas Tusser

topic: Fool, Good Husband, Hundred, Good Money, Spanish And English

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love

- Joe Louis

topic: Might, Way, Funny Money, Taxes Funny

A fool and his money are soon partying.

- Steven Wright

topic: Funny, Money, Party, Spanish And English, Money Is The Root Of All Evil

Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay

- Milton Friedman

topic: Pay, Fractions, Congress, Tax Day, Taxes Funny

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

- Mark Twain

topic: Business, Inspiration, Humor, Limited Freedom, Tax Day