Funny Diet Quotes:

I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.

- Dolly Parton

topic: Funny, Fitness, Book, Inspirational Weight, Inspirational Weight Loss

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

- Orson Welles

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Food, Health, Weight Loss, Eating Dinner, Food And Eating

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

- Henny Youngman

topic: Light, Wife, My Wife, Funny Diet

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.

- Totie Fields

topic: Failure, Food, Two, Inspirational Weight, Inspirational Weight Loss

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

- Mark Twain

topic: Funny, Witty, Inspirational Life, Inspirational Health, Motivational Health

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

- Kate Moss

source: "Kate Moss's motto gives comfort to 'pro-anorexic' community" by Alexandra Topping, www.theguardian.com. November 20, 2009.

topic: Fashion, Taste, Skinny, Fashion Industry, Good Taste

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

- Shelley Winters

topic: Funny Inspirational, Humorous, Weight Loss, Fatty, Inspirational Weight Loss

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

- Jackie Gleason

topic: Inspiring, Humor, Second Chance, Inspirational Weight, Inspirational Weight Loss

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.

- Julia Child

topic: Funny, Food, Waiting, Indian Food, Delicious Food

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

- Bob Hope

topic: Good Friend, Weight Loss, Dieting, Inspirational Weight, Really Good Friends

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

- Barbara Johnson

source: Paula Deen, Sherry Suib Cohen (2009). “Paula Deen: It Ain't All About the Cookin'”, p.264, Simon and Schuster

topic: Food, Hands, Cookies, Delicious Food, Sweets And Desserts

Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may diet.

- Cathy Hopkins

source: Cathy Hopkins (2007). “Mates, Dates and Chocolate Cheats”, p.13, Bonnier Publishing Fiction Ltd.

topic: Death, May, Tomorrow, Spanish And English, Merry

Pasta doesn't make you fat. How much pasta you eat makes you fat.

- Giada De Laurentiis

source: "Giada De Laurentiis' slim-cooking secrets". Interview with Alison Prato, www.health.com. February 4, 2013.

topic: Pasta, Fats, Delicious Food, Fat Women, Funny Diet

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.

- Hermione Gingold

topic: Loss, Weight Loss, Wish, Funny Diet

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner

- Henry Sambrooke Leigh

source: Henry Sambrooke Leigh (1869). “Carols of Cockayne”, p.186

topic: Fitness, Wish, Dinner, Ale, Inspirational Weight

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

- Fran Lebowitz

topic: Funny, Life, Witty, Delicious Food, Stupidest Celebrity

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

- Andy Rooney

topic: Fitness, Book, Two, Cookbook, Funny Diet

A diet is a plan, generally hopeless, for reducing your weight, which tests your will power but does little for your waistline.

- Herbert V. Prochnow

topic: Loss, Littles, Tests, Motivational Diet, Funny Diet

Thou shouldst eat to live; not live to eat.

- Socrates

topic: Healthy Habits, Motivational Diet, Eating Meat, Living Healthy, Eating Food

No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Running, Loss, Office, Funny Diet, Body Fat

Once you have to start counting calories, it takes away from the joy of eating.

- Mireille Guiliano

topic: Joy, Eating, Calories, Funny Diet

When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn't taste that bad.

- Janette Barber

topic: Cookies, Four, Garbage, Funny Diet

My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it.

- Harry Secombe

topic: Loss, Weight Loss, Advice, Motivational Diet, Funny Diet

If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out.

- Jean Kerr

topic: Loss, Leaving, Together, Inspirational Weight, Motivational Diet

When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.

- Woody Allen

topic: Honesty, Humanity, Genius, Fat People, Love And Honesty

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

- Mae West

topic: Food, Humor, Sassy, Inspirational Weight, Ignorance Is Bliss

Eat as much as you like-just don't swallow it.

- Steve Burns

topic: Motivational Diet, Funny Diet

The first thing you lose on a diet is brain mass.

- Margaret Cho

topic: Brain, Firsts, Mass, Inspirational Weight Loss, Motivational Diet

One should eat to live, not live to eat.

- Moliere

topic: Inspiring, Food, Weight Loss, Healthy Living, Healthy Habits

If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.

- Jim Eason

topic: Birthday, People, Looks, Humorous Birthday, Fat People

Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'

- Dave Barry

topic: Exercise, Speech, Snickers, Department, Diet And Exercise

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

- Jean Kerr

topic: Inspirational, Travel, Airplane, Air Travel, Pilots And Flying

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.

- Paula Poundstone

topic: Forget, Funny Diet

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

- Elizabeth Berg

source: Elizabeth Berg (2008). “The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted: And Other Small Acts of Liberation”, p.137, Random House

topic: Loss, Weight Loss, Taste, Weight Motivational, Funny Diet

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

- Roseanne Barr

topic: Being Happy, Food, Weight Loss, Fat People, Funny Diet

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

- Erma Bombeck

topic: Loss, Two, Literature, Inspirational Weight Loss, Bracelet

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

- Irv Kupcinet

topic: Thanksgiving Day, Optimist, Persons, Optimism And Pessimism, Optimism In Life

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.

- Jim Davis

source: Jim Davis (2012). “Garfield Eats His Heart Out: His 6th Book”, p.4, Ballantine Group

topic: Food, Funny Thanksgiving, Cake, Delicious Food, Sweets And Desserts

Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.

- Kurt Vonnegut

source: "Cat's Cradle". Book by Kurt Vonnegut, 1963.

topic: Drinking, Beer, Weight Loss, Spanish And English, Merry

That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

- Bob Hope

topic: Golf, Weight Loss, Dieting, Inspirational Weight, Weight Motivational

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.

- Andy Rooney

topic: Book, Loss, Cooks, Cookbook, Inspirational Weight Loss