Great Alcohol Quotes:

There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says 'Good people drink good beer.' Which is true, then as now. Just look around you in any public barroom and you will quickly see: Bad people drink bad beer. Think about it.

- Hunter S. Thompson

topic: Beer, Thinking, People, Brewing, Malt

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Humorous, Drinking, Drunk, Day Drinking, Drinking Party

Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

topic: Drinking, Wine, Too Much, Scotch Whisky, Whisky

O thou invisible spirit of wine, if thou has no name to be known by, let us call thee devil....O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance revel and applause, transform ourselves into beasts!

- William Shakespeare

topic: Wine, Men, Names, Alcoholism, Intemperance

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

- Dylan Thomas

source: Dictionary of 20th Century Quotations quoted by Nigel Rees. Fontana London (1987)

topic: Funny, Drinking, Wine, Soft Drinks, Alcoholism

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

- Frank Sinatra

topic: Drinking, Beer, Men, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Life, Atheist, Beer, Credulity, Just Believe

Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.

- Arnold Schwarzenegger

topic: Inspirational, Baby, Motivational Sports, Motivational Bodybuilding, Drinkers

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

- David Lee Roth

source: "Roth Army" by Oliver Hurley, www.theguardian.com. August 27, 2004.

topic: Funny, Life, Witty, Rockers, Drinking Funny

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

- P. J. O'Rourke

topic: Drinking, Alcohol, Mind, Liquor Funny, Drinking Funny

It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard drinking people.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

source: F. Scott Fitzgerald (2007). “The Great Gatsby”, p.104, Broadview Press

topic: Inspirational, Drinking, Recovery, Irregularity, Drinks And Love

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

- William Butler Yeats

topic: Food, Drinking, Men, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

- Henny Youngman

topic: Crazy, Book, Reading, Liquor Funny, Day Drinking

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

- Henny Youngman

source: Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

topic: Good Life, Drinking, Grandmother, Mother And Grandmother, Mother Grandmother

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

- Joe E. Lewis

source: Recalled on his death, 4 Jun1971.

topic: Funny, Camels, Drink, Funny Sarcastic, Strong Drink

There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.

- Bette Davis

source: "Fictional character: Kit Marlowe". "Old Acquaintance", www.imdb.com. 1943.

topic: Drinking, Wine, Glasses, Women And Wine, Wine And Love

I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.

- Miguel de Cervantes

topic: Drinking, Sometimes, Drink, Drinkers, Wine Toast

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

- Mark Twain

topic: Alcohol, Too Much, Whiskey, Scotch Whisky, Whisky

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

- Dave Barry

topic: Drinking, Book, Beer, Ale, Funny Sarcastic

There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.

- Benjamin Franklin

topic: Funny, Drinking, Food, Brewing, Drinkers

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

- Steve Martin

topic: Block, Drinking, Alcohol, Whiners, Alcohol Drinking

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

- Frank Zappa

topic: Funny, Country, Football, Irish Beer, Brewing

Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

topic: Drinking, Glasses, Drunk, Funny Drinking, Colored Glass

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

- Dean Martin

source: "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Drinking, Beer, Hands, Sober Up, Drinking Alcohol

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

- Dean Martin

source: In Paul Dickson Official Rules (1978) p. 112

topic: Clever, Lying, Humorous, Alcoholism, Drinkers

I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.

- Abraham Lincoln

topic: Inspirational, Wisdom, Truth, Irish Beer, Drinkers

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

- W. C. Fields

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Funny, Witty, Clever, Scotch Whisky, Whisky

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

- W. C. Fields

topic: Funny, Witty, Humorous, Yummy, Delicious Food

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

- Rodney Dangerfield

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Party, Drinking, Beer, Drank, Drinking Alcohol

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

- Noel Coward

topic: Drinking, Beer, Touching, Drinkers, Alcoholism Funny

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.

- Robert A. Heinlein

source: Robert A. Heinlein (1987). “Time Enough for Love”, p.325, Penguin

topic: Missing You, Strong, Drinking, Strong Drink, Liquor Funny

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Military, Taken, Drinking, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

- Raymond Chandler

topic: Drinking, Beer, Men, Liquor Funny, Don't Drink Alcohol

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

- Lord Byron

topic: Drinking, Beer, Men, Alcoholism, Intoxication

When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.

- Jimmy Breslin

source: Jimmy Breslin (1986). “Table money”

topic: Drinking, Food, Beer, Strong Personality, Quit Drinking

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

- Humphrey Bogart

topic: Book, Drinking, Beer, Irish Beer, Brewing

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

- Ambrose Bierce

source: The Devil's Dictionary

topic: Motivational, Drinking, Beer, Power And Control, Abstaining

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

- Robert Benchley

source: "The New Speaker's Treasury of Wit and Wisdom". Book by Herbert Victor Prochnow, 1958.

topic: Drinking, People, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Liquor Funny

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

- Robert Benchley

source: "Fictional character: Mr. Albert Osborne". "The Major and the Minor", www.imdb.com. September 16, 1942.

topic: Funny, Witty, Humorous, Don't Drink Alcohol, Don't Drink And Drive

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

- W. C. Fields

topic: Food, Drinking, Beer, Liquor Funny, Day Drinking

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

- Dave Barry

source: "Vegetable Magnetism" by Dave Barry, www.washingtonpost.com. March 17, 1991.

topic: Fun, Drinking, Book, Ale, Lager

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

- Gilbert K. Chesterton

source: All Things Considered (1908) "Wine When it is Red"

topic: Drinking, Beer, Animal, Liquor Funny, Drunkenness

When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.

- Francois Rabelais

topic: Drinking, Thinking, Drink, Funny Sarcastic, Drinkers

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

- Ernest Hemingway

topic: Drinking, Book, Beer, Intelligent Man, Irish Beer

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

- Ernest Hemingway

topic: Funny, Witty, Clever, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

- Clement Freud

source: Quoted in Observer (London), 27 Dec. 1964.

topic: Funny, Witty, Giving Up, Drank, Champagne Drinking

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

topic: New Year, Drinking, Beer, Inspirational Addiction Recovery, Liquor Funny

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

- Albert Einstein

topic: Drinking, Alcohol, Inventory, Funny Bumper Sticker, Drinking Alcohol

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Funny, Life, Drinking, Alcoholism, Funny Sarcastic