Alcohol Drinking Quotes:

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

- Jack Lemmon

topic: Funny, Music, Morning, Sorry Men, Irish Beer

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.

- Bob Marley

topic: Hippie, Drinking, Healing, Jamaican Music, Alcoholism

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

- Dean Martin

source: In Paul Dickson Official Rules (1978) p. 112

topic: Clever, Lying, Humorous, Alcoholism, Drinkers

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

- Joe E. Lewis

source: Recalled on his death, 4 Jun1971.

topic: Funny, Camels, Drink, Funny Sarcastic, Strong Drink

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Funny, Witty, Work, Irish Beer, Irish Drinking

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

- Dylan Thomas

source: Dictionary of 20th Century Quotations quoted by Nigel Rees. Fontana London (1987)

topic: Funny, Drinking, Wine, Soft Drinks, Alcoholism

Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.

- Sammy Davis, Jr.

topic: Patience, Giving, Funny Sarcastic, Drinking Funny, Drinks And Love

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

- Dorothy Parker

source: "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Drinking, Two, Alcohol, Gin, Drinking Alcohol

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

- W. C. Fields

topic: Funny, Drinking, Book, Drinking And Driving, Drinkers

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

- Finley Peter Dunne

topic: Men, Alcohol, Facts, Alcoholism, Drinking Funny

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

- W. C. Fields

topic: Food, Drinking, Beer, Liquor Funny, Day Drinking

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

- W. C. Fields

source: "The Temperance Lecture" (radio broadcast) (1938)

topic: Drinking, Alcohol, Done, Liquor Funny, Don't Drink Alcohol

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

- Nancy Astor

topic: Time, Educational, Want, Alcoholism, Liquor Funny

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

- N. F. Simpson

topic: Drinking, Reality, Alcohol, Funny Sarcastic, Recovering Alcoholics

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

- Frank Zappa

topic: Funny, Country, Football, Irish Beer, Brewing

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

- Brian O'Rourke

topic: Food, Fall, Drinking, Irish Beer, Irish Drinking

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

- Nancy Astor

topic: Husband, Alcohol, Poison, Your Husband, Wives And Mothers

Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.

- Charles Bukowski

topic: Suicide, Wall, Drinking, Killing Yourself, Day Drinking

What's drinking? A mere pause from thinking!

- Lord Byron

source: "The Deformed Transformed". Book by Lord Byron, 1824.

topic: Drinking, Food, Beer, Alcohol And Life, Alcohol Drinking

I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.

- Adrian Rogers

topic: Sorry, People, Feels, Sorry Men, Praiseworthy

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

- Ogden Nash

topic: Drinking, Liquor, Candy, Funny Sarcastic, Perspiration

When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.

- Jimmy Breslin

source: Jimmy Breslin (1986). “Table money”

topic: Drinking, Food, Beer, Strong Personality, Quit Drinking

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

- George Burns

topic: Clever, Drinking, Drunk, Liquor Funny, Drinking And Driving

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

- Lord Byron

topic: Drinking, Beer, Men, Alcoholism, Intoxication

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

- Drew Carey

topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Jobs, Liquor Funny, Support Groups

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Drinking, Beer, Funny Sarcastic, Intervals, Rules Of Life

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.

- Seneca the Younger

topic: Alcohol, Madness, Drunkenness, Alcoholism, Intemperance

It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety.

- Thomas de Quincey

source: Thomas De Quincey (1841). “Confessions of an English Opium-eater: Being an Extract from the Life of a Scholar”, p.89

topic: Men, Alcohol, Sobriety, Liquor Funny, Drinking Alcohol

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Drinking, Beer, Wife, Drinking Alcohol, Funny Bar

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

- Benjamin Franklin

topic: Love, Inspirational, Funny, Ale, Lager

Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.

- Raymond Chandler

source: The Long Goodbye ch. 4 (1953)

topic: Girl, Drinking, Beer, Funny Sarcastic, Kissing A Girl

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

- Frank Sinatra

topic: Drinking, Beer, Men, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

- Steve Martin

topic: Block, Drinking, Alcohol, Whiners, Alcohol Drinking

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

- Hunter S. Thompson

topic: Hate, Drinking, Beer, Funny Sarcastic, Insanity And Sanity

Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

topic: Drinking, Glasses, Drunk, Funny Drinking, Colored Glass

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Life, Atheist, Beer, Credulity, Just Believe

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

- William Butler Yeats

topic: Food, Drinking, Men, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

- Henny Youngman

topic: Crazy, Book, Reading, Liquor Funny, Day Drinking

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

- Henny Youngman

source: Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

topic: Good Life, Drinking, Grandmother, Mother And Grandmother, Mother Grandmother

That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.

- Charles Bukowski

topic: Drinking, Beer, Order, Drinking Beer, Drinking Problem

I drink to make other people more interesting.

- Ernest Hemingway

source: "How To Be Interesting: Simple Ways to Increase Your Personal Appeal". Book by David Gillespie, Mark Warren, 2013.

topic: Funny, Life, Drinking, Whisky, Ordinary People

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Funny, Life, Drinking, Alcoholism, Funny Sarcastic

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

- Dudley Moore

topic: Drinking, Funny Drinking, Drink, Liquor Funny, Day Drinking

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.

- Mark Twain

topic: Drinking, Night, Scotch, Whiskey Drinking, Champagne Drinking

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

topic: New Year, Drinking, Beer, Inspirational Addiction Recovery, Liquor Funny

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

- Clement Freud

source: Quoted in Observer (London), 27 Dec. 1964.

topic: Funny, Witty, Giving Up, Drank, Champagne Drinking

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

- Joe E. Lewis

topic: Drinking, Dirty, Scotch, Scotch Whisky, Whisky