Retirement Speech Quotes:

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

- Gene Perret

topic: Retirement, Worry, Age, Inspirational Retirement, Funny Retirement

There's an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.

- Peter Drucker

topic: Retirement, Jobs, Business, Funny Retirement, Funny Boss

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

- Gene Perret

topic: Teacher, Retirement, Nice, Inspirational Retirement, Funny Retirement

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.

- Malcolm Forbes

topic: Retirement, Hard Work, People, Inspirational Retirement, Retirement Farewell

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

- Groucho Marx

source: "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", August 20, 1930.

topic: Retirement, Work, Age, Retired Teacher, Retirement Farewell

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

- Doug Larson

topic: Stress, Fishing, People, Hunting And Fishing, Stress And Life

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.

- George Foreman

topic: Sports, Age, Income, Inspirational Retirement, Funny Retirement

Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire.

- Samuel Johnson

topic: Inspirational, Sorry, Thinking, Developing, Personal Growth And Development

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.

- Gail Sheehy

topic: Funny, Teacher, Witty, Inspirational Retirement, Retirement Farewell

You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

- Germaine Greer

topic: Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness, Humorous Birthday, Mature And Immature

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

- Samuel Johnson

topic: Wisdom, Funny Retirement, Wealth, Retirement Card, Retirement Party

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

- George Burns

topic: Hilarious, Retirement, Ties, Stoops, Funny Retirement

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

- Joan Rivers

topic: Fun, Aging, Getting Old, Funny Retirement, Middle Ages

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

- Charles Lamb

topic: Funny, Hilarious, Witty, Funny Retirement, Office Hours

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.

- Abe Lemons

topic: Retirement, Days Off, Trouble, Inspirational Retirement, Funny Retirement

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

- Will Rogers

topic: Funny, Life, Wisdom, Managing Time, Time Spent

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.

- Gene Perret

topic: Inspirational, Retirement, Stress, Inspirational Retirement, Funny Retirement

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.

- R. C. Sherriff

topic: Men, Age, Matter, Inspirational Retirement, Retirement Card

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.

- Ella Harris

topic: Jobs, Husband, Wife, Inspirational Retirement, Funny Retirement

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

- Richard Armour

topic: Teacher, Retirement, Tired, Funny Retirement, Retired Teacher

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

- Gene Perret

topic: Retirement, Boss, Age, Funny Retirement, Retirement Card

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.

- Jonathan Clements

topic: Running, Retirement, Vacation, Inspirational Retirement, Long Vacation

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.

- Chi Chi Rodriguez

topic: Husband, Men, Wife, Inspirational Retirement, Retired Teacher

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

- George Burns

topic: Funny, Witty, Teacher, Inspirational Retirement, Funny Retirement

The Republican Party is a friend of Social Security the way Colonel Sanders was a friend of chickens.

- Charles Taylor Manatt

topic: Retirement, Party, Way, Colonels, Funny Retirement

Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time.

- Malcolm Muggeridge

topic: Retirement, Age, Able, Funny Retirement, Retirement Farewell

You can be young without money but you can't be old without it.

- Tennessee Williams

source: Tennessee Williams (2004). “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”, p.55, New Directions Publishing

topic: Funny, Life, Motivational, Funny Retirement, Old Money

Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."

- Gene Perret

topic: Retirement, Home, Forever, Inspirational Retirement, Funny Retirement

People who refuse to rest honorably on their laurels when they reach retirement age seem very admirable to me.

- Helen Hayes

topic: Retirement, People, Age, Retirement Age, Retirement Farewell

I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.

- Voltaire

source: Voltaire (1949). “The portable Voltaire”

topic: Life, Retirement, Age, Inspirational Age, Funny Retirement

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

- Laurence J. Peter

topic: Retirement, Fun, Age, Retirement Age, Retirement Card

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

- Alexander Graham Bell

topic: Love, Inspirational, Life, Life Wisdom, Job Opportunities

I will not retire while I've still got my legs and my make-up box.

- Bette Davis

topic: Sexy, Retirement, Funny Inspirational, Inspirational Retirement, Retirement Age

Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made.

- William Shakespeare

source: 'Julius Caesar' (1599) act 5, sc. 1, l. 118

topic: Retirement, Farewell, Forever, Cassius, Parting

As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.

- Earl Nightingale

topic: Inspirational, Retirement, Successful, Inspirational Retirement, Retirement Humor

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.

- John Lubbock

topic: Inspirational, Success, Summer, Inspirational Nature, Inspirational Retirement