It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.
source: Sam Levenson (2016). “You Don't Have to Be in Who's Who to Know What's What: The Choice Wit and Wisdom of Sam Levenson”, p.86, Open Road Media
topic: Inspirational, Funny, Wise, Stupid Life, Stupid Funny

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
topic: Funny, Humor, Barbie, Stupid Funny, Funny One Liner
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
source: Harlan Ellison, Arnie Fenner (2011). “Bugf#ck: The Useless Wit & Wisdom of Harlan Ellison”
topic: Funny, Life, Stupid, Being Stupid, Stupid Funny
topic: Humor, Beer, Men, Stupid Funny, Wise Chinese
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
topic: Funny, Running, Risk, Stupid Celebrity, Stupid Funny
Relationships are like farting, If you push too hard things could get messy real fast.
source: FaceBook post by Kevin Hart from Jan 03, 2012
topic: Real, Messy, Hard Things, Stupid Funny, Trying Too Hard
You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours.
source: "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Funny, Death, Hilarious, Yankees Baseball, Stupid Funny
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
topic: Witty, Creativity, Science, Creative People, Funny Sarcastic
I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.
topic: Marriage, Gay, Men, Stupidest, Stupid Celebrity
I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish.
source: "Did I say that?" compiled by John Hind, www.theguardian.com. September 13, 2008.
topic: Japan, Eating, Fishes, Really Stupid, Stupidest
I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them.
topic: Strong, Patriotic, Opinion, Strong Opinions, Stupid Funny
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
source: Testimony at House of Representatives hearings on cigarette advertising, 25 June 1981
topic: Funny, Life, Witty, Really Stupid, Very Stupid
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
topic: Funny, Happiness, Travel, Inspirational Adventure Time, Funniest Sports
The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.
source: "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Funny, Baseball, Doctors, Stupid Funny, Stupidest Celebrity
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
source: "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Funny, Friendship, Education, Joy Of Reading, Inspirational Dog
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
topic: Funny, Hilarious, Education, Not Stupid, Infinite Intelligence
source: "The X Factor - Mariah Carey night - LIVE!!!" by Heidi Stephens, www.theguardian.com. November 8, 2008.
topic: Funny, Money, Stupid, Really Stupid, Stupidest
I owe a lot to my parents, especially by mother and my father.
source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Mother, Father, Golf, Favorite Sports, Funniest Sports
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
topic: Inspirational, Success, Educational, Being Stupid, Stupid Life
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
topic: Teamwork, Sports, Witty, Sports Team, Funniest Sports
source: George W. Bush “Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States, George W. Bush, 2004, Book 2, July 1 to September 30, 2004”, Government Printing Office
topic: Country, Witty, Peace, Resourceful, Stupid Conservative
Is this chicken what I have or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea.
source: "Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica". www.imdb.com. 2003.
topic: Stupid, Tuna Fish, Sea, Really Stupid, Stupidest
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
source: Quoted in Chicago Tribune, 28 Mar. 1989
topic: Funny, Country, Stupid, Stupid Celebrity, Stupid Funny
I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.
topic: Silly, Our Family, Stupid Funny, Funny Bush
source: Terry Pratchett (2008). “Pyramids: (Discworld Novel 7)”, p.165, Random House
topic: Stupid, Animal, Pyramids, Really Stupid, Being Stupid
So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?
topic: Funny, Movie, Stupid, Really Stupid, Cannes
I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully.
topic: Silly, Dumb, Conservative, Coexist, Stupid Conservative
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
source: "You've been a great audience ..." by Oliver Burkeman, www.theguardian.com. January 7, 2009.
topic: Nature, Children, Humorous, Stupid Celebrity, Stupid Funny
source: "Jews in the Senior Chamber" by Dan Klein, www.tabletmag.com. October 12, 2010.
topic: Funny, Thanksgiving, Stupid, Really Stupid, Stupid Funny
A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
source: "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Funny, Witty, Stupid, Stupid Funny, Single Man
I cannot tell you how grateful I am - I am filled with humidity.
topic: Funny, Grateful, Dumb, Stupid Funny, Humidity
topic: Stupid, Forever, Should, Really Stupid, Stupid Celebrity
You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
topic: Children, Silly, Tests, Stupid Funny, Literacy And Children
The internet is a great way to get on the net.
source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Funny, Stupid, Technology, Really Stupid, Stupid Celebrity
I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.
topic: Funny, History, Dumb, Stupid Funny, Stupidest Celebrity
Pitching is 80% of the game and the other half is hitting and fielding.
topic: Funny, Basketball, Kids, Stupid Funny, Stupidest Celebrity
source: "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Funny, Clueless, Thinking, Very Stupid, Stupidest
The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history.
topic: Holocaust, Periods, Obscene, Stupid Funny, Dumb Celebrity
Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again
topic: Stupid, Eight, Telling The Truth, Stupid Funny, Stupid Liberal
My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.
topic: Sports, Baby, Uncles, Sports Stars, Stupid Celebrity
topic: Funny, Desire, Phrases, Stupid Funny
I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.
source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Funny, Witty, Phoenix, Stupid Conservative, Stupid Funny
topic: Funny, Witty, Sorry, Not Stupid, Stupidest
source: Nalini Singh (2012). “Nalini Singh: The Psy-Changeling Series”, p.159, Penguin
topic: Stupid, Voice, Brain, Stupid Funny
topic: Stupid, Tv Shows, Funny Things, Stupid Funny