Witty Marriage Quotes:
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com. 
topic: Love, Marriage, Husband, Humorous Love, Marriage Humor
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
topic: Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic, Humor Love, Jury
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
topic: Inspirational Love, Love Is, Sight, Marriage Advice, Marriage Advice For Newlyweds
topic: Love, Funny, Marriage, Humorous Love, Humorous Valentine
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
topic: Inspirational, Birthday, Anniversary, Marriage Humor, Marriage Jokes
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
source: Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.
topic: Marriage, Wedding Anniversary, Years, Marriage Humor, Marriage Jokes
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
topic: Love, Funny, Marriage, Humor Love, Humorous Love
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
topic: Funny, Anniversary, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Advice For Newlyweds
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
topic: Marriage, Husband, Funny Relationship, Husband Love, Husband Wife
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
source: Quoted in Evan Esar, The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949)
topic: Funny, Marriage, Girl, Marriage Anniversary, Marriage Humor
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
topic: Love, Marriage, Single, Marrying Him, Great Marriage
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
source: Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.32, BookBaby
topic: Love, Relationship, Anniversary, Husband Love, Husband To Be
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
topic: Marriage, Wedding, Opportunity, Man And Superman, Wedding Marriage
topic: Inspirational, Funny, Marriage, Some People Never Change, Marrying
topic: Marriage, Funny Love, Men, Marriage Jokes, Marriage Speech
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
source: In Newsweek 28 Mar. 1960, p. 89
topic: Love, Funny, Marriage, Incompleteness, Marriage And Love Inspirational
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
source: "Book of Humorous Quotations" edited by Connie Robertson, (p. 83), 1998.
topic: Inspirational, Funny, Marriage, Husband Wife, Marriage Humor
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
topic: Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding, Marriage Humor, Married Man
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
topic: Marriage, Husband, Mouths, Marriage Jokes, Wedding Marriage
My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.
topic: Marriage, Husband, Divorce, Marriage And Divorce, Marriage Divorce
Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
source: Ogden Nash, “A Word To Husbands”
topic: Inspirational, Life, Inspirational Life, Marriage Advice, Marriage Advice For Newlyweds
source: Attributed in Bennett Cerf, The Life of the Party (1956)
topic: Love, Funny, Birthday, Husband To Be, Marriage Humor
source: "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.
topic: Relationship, Two, People, Humorous Birthday, Marriage Humor
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
topic: Marriage, Wedding, Men, Witty Marriage
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Love, Marriage, Girl, Marrying, Marrying Her
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
topic: Love, Funny, Marriage, Humorous Love, Humorous Valentine
All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage.
source: 'Don Juan' (1819-24) canto 3, st. 9
topic: Funny Marriage, Tragedy, Comedy, Marriage Advice For Newlyweds, Witty Marriage
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
topic: Funny, Marriage, Hilarious, Marriage Humor, Funny Sarcastic
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
source: "Rodney Dangerfield" by Ronald Bergan, www.theguardian.com. October 6, 2004.
topic: Love, Funny, Life, Marriage Jokes, Witty Marriage
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
topic: Funny, Hilarious, Wife, Humorous Love, Marriage Jokes
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
topic: Inspirational, Funny, Marriage, Newness, Funny Men
source: Samuel Johnson, James Boswell (1825). “The Table Talk of Dr. Johnson: Comprising Opinions and Anecdotes of Life and Literature, Men, Manners, and Morals”, p.40
topic: Wife, Gentleman, Unhappy, Humorous Love, Marriage Humor
topic: Funny, Marriage, Couple, Humorous Love, Marriage Humor
topic: Funny, Hilarious, Laughter, Marriage Humor, Marriage Jokes
Well, you know, the definition of second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
topic: Marriage, Funny Love, Definitions, Humorous Love, Marriage Humor
The longest sentence you can form with two words is: I do.
topic: Love, Marriage, Couple, Witty Marriage