Clever And Witty Quotes:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

- Oscar Wilde

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Funny, Happiness, Hilarious, Spiritual Happiness, Insults You

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Funny, Clever, Hipster, Mimicry, Very Clever

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

- Groucho Marx

topic: Funny, Cute, Sarcastic, Old Jokes, Dark Sarcasm

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

- Robert Frost

topic: Inspirational, Life, Motivational, Way In Life, Time To Move On

You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.

- Henry Ford

topic: Inspirational, Motivational, Success, Top Management, Marketing And Sales

I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

- Woody Allen

source: "Death: A Comedy in One Act". Book by Woody Allen, 1975.

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Life, Afraid Of Death, Meaningful Death

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

- Steven Wright

topic: Success, Funny Inspirational, Failure, Photographic Memory, Murphys Law

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.

- Albert Einstein

topic: Inspirational, Witty, Way, Clever And Witty, Funny And Witty

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

- Sacha Guitry

source: "Book of Humorous Quotations" edited by Connie Robertson, (p. 83), 1998.

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Marriage, Husband Wife, Marriage Humor

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

- Steven Wright

topic: Time, Food, Bird, Early Bird, Swiss Cheese

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Witty, Funny Sarcastic, Dark Sarcasm

He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up

- Paul Keating

topic: Running, Clever, Spine, Life Humor, Classic Insult

The second mouse gets the cheese!

- Terry Pratchett

topic: Funny, Witty, Iron, Early Bird, Swiss Cheese

Two wrongs don't make a right.

- Roald Dahl

source: Roald Dahl (2016). “The GFG: The Guid Freendly Giant: The BFG in Scots”, p.145, Black & White Publishing

topic: Revenge, Humorous, Math, Making Excuses, Wise Proverbs

Nixon's motto was, if two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

- Norman Cousins

source: 1979 In the Daily Telegraph, 17 Jul.

topic: Math, Two, Personality, Clever And Witty, Funny Clever

The problems that exist in this world can not be solved by the level of thinking that created them.

- Albert Einstein

topic: Inspiring, Leadership, Education, Solved Problems, Clever And Witty

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

- Fred Allen

topic: Funny, Clever, Two, Choir Singing, Church Choir

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

- Bill Cosby

topic: Funny, Mom, Children, Having Kids, Vowels

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

- Samuel Goldwyn

topic: Funny, Movie, Silly, Clever And Witty, Funny Oxymoron

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

- Groucho Marx

topic: Funny, Life, Clever, Being Sarcastic, Dark Sarcasm

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

- Laurence J. Peter

source: Laurence J. Peter (1979). “Peter's people”, W. Morrow

topic: Funny, Witty, Revenge, Murphys Law, Making Excuses

When the Liberals said they were going to create a million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

- Harry S. Truman

topic: Jobs, Thinking, New Job, Status Updates, Funny Bumper Sticker

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

- Lana Turner

topic: Funny, Hilarious, Laughter, Marriage Humor, Marriage Jokes

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

- Mark Twain

topic: Funny, Life, Death, Humor Love, Dark Sarcasm

A father may have a child who is ugly and lacking in all the graces, and the love he feels for him puts a blindfold over his eyes so that he does not see his defects but considers them signs of charm and intelligence and recounts them to his friends as if they were clever and witty.

- Miguel de Cervantes

topic: Witty, Children, Clever, Clever And Witty, Blindfolds

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

- Paula Poundstone

topic: Witty, Clever, Mean, Three Stooges, Stooges