Funny Valentines Day Card Quotes:

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

- Fred Allen

topic: Love, Stay Strong, Goal, Just Stay Strong, Dependence On Others

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

- Mickey Rooney

source: "Philip French's screen legends" by Philip French, www.theguardian.com. May 15, 2010.

topic: Marriage, Morning, Work, Humorous Valentine, Funny Valentines Day

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Love, Humor, Perfect, Perfect Lover, Affairs Of The Heart

The art of love is largely the art of persistence.

- Albert Ellis

topic: Love, Relationship, Inspiring, Free Love, Love Never Dies

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

- Mort Sahl

topic: Love, Men, Funny Valentines Day, Funny Valentine, Funny Valentines Day Card

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

- Robert Orben

source: Robert Orben (1969). “The Ad-libber's Handbook: 2000 New Laughs for Speakers”

topic: Valentines Day, Girl, Heart, St Valentine, Funny Valentines Day

Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.

- Thomas Szasz

topic: Funny, Happiness, Wisdom, Inner Happiness, Cute Funny Valentines Day

I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.

- Jonathan Swift

source: 1738 Polite Conversation, dialogue 2.

topic: Funny, Inspiration, Being In Love, Humorous Valentine, Kissing And Love

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.

- Judith Viorst

source: Judith Viorst (1987). “Love and Guilt and the Meaning of Life, Etc.”, Fireside

topic: Love, Marriage, Fall, Husband To Be, Marriage Advice

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

- Rita Rudner

topic: Boyfriend, Marriage, Breakup, Funny Valentines Day, Funny Dating

The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

- Ann Landers

topic: Funny Inspirational, Wish, Married, Humorous Valentine, Funny Valentines Day

I'm tired of love; I'm still more tired of rhyme; but money gives me pleasure all the time.

- Hilaire Belloc

topic: Love, Money, Tired, Love And Money, Getting Tired

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

- Lynda Barry

topic: Love, Cigar, Exploding, Humorous Love, Funniest Love

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.

- Helen Rowland

source: Helen Rowland (1909). “Reflections of a Bachelor Girl”

topic: Love, Relationship, Littles, Dangerous Things, Confessing

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

- Groucho Marx

topic: Love, Funny, Witty, Humorous Valentine, Successful Man

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

- Judith Viorst

topic: Love, Funny, Valentines Day, Humor Love, Humorous Valentine

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

- Robert A. Heinlein

source: Robert A. Heinlein (1987). “Stranger in a Strange Land”, p.340, Penguin

topic: Love, Life, Positive, Great Feelings, Always Happy

Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.

- William Shakespeare

topic: Love, Men, Confusion, Humorous Valentine, Love You Like

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.

- Pearl Bailey

topic: Love, Romantic, Valentines Day, Humor Love, Paperwork

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

- Dorothy Parker

topic: Funny, Anniversary, Valentines Day, Humor Love, Humorous Love

If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.

- Maya Angelou

topic: Love, Life, Good Morning, Keep Smiling, Empowering Women

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

- Ingrid Bergman

topic: Love, Humor, Kissing, Husband Love, Just Kiss Me

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

- Rita Rudner

topic: Love, Funny, Marriage, Humorous Love, Humorous Valentine

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

- Erich Segal

topic: Love, Inspiring, Valentines Day, Humor Love, Humorous Love

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

- Charles M. Schulz

topic: Love, Witty, Hurt, Humor Love, Humorous Love

Like I've always said, love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so damned much fun.

- Armistead Maupin

source: Armistead Maupin (1992). “Maybe the moon: a novel”, HarperCollins Publishers

topic: Valentines Day, Fun, Love Is Blind, Humorous Valentine, Braille

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

- A. A. Milne

topic: Love, Friendship, Positive, Tigger, Bff

No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

- Henry A. Kissinger

topic: Love, Funny, Leadership, Humorous Valentine, Funny Valentines Day

The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.

- Blaise Pascal

source: Pensees no. 680 (1658)

topic: Love, Inspirational, Life, Funny Valentines Day, Foolish Heart

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

- Jay Leno

topic: Funny, Romantic, Valentines Day, Humorous Valentine, Singles

There's a certain part of the contented majority who love anybody who is worth a billion dollars.

- John Kenneth Galbraith

source: The Guardian, May 23, 1992.

topic: Love, Political, Majority, Funny Valentines Day Card, Silly Love

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

- Dorothy Parker

topic: Marriage, Stupid, Men, Marriage Speech, Wedding Marriage

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

- Lewis Grizzard

topic: Funny, Marriage, Hilarious, Getting Married, Good Sex

Love is a game that two can play and both win.

- Eva Gabor

source: Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

topic: Love, Valentines Day, Fun, Humorous Valentine, Loving Him

The lover is a monotheist who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other gods.

- Theodor Reik

source: Theodor Reik (2017). “Love and Lust: On the Psychoanalysis of Romantic and Sexual Emotions”, p.100, Routledge

topic: Love, People, Different, Different Gods, Funny Valentines Day Card

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Love, Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous Love, Humorous Valentine

Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day.

- Jay Leno

topic: Funny Valentines Day, Men, Names, Extortion, Cute Funny Valentines Day

Better to have loved and lost than to live with regret.

- Big Pun

topic: Regret, Lost, Loved And Lost, Humorous Valentine, St Valentine