Sarcastic One Liners Quotes:
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.
topic: Inspirational, Witty, Way, Clever And Witty, Funny And Witty
I don't suffer from my insanity -- I enjoy every minute of it.
topic: Insanity, Suffering, Minutes, Funny Bumper Sticker, Funny One Liner
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
topic: Life, Ideas, Favors, Life Is Not Worth Living, Just Living Life
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
source: Laurence J. Peter (1979). “Peter's people”, W. Morrow
topic: Funny, Witty, Revenge, Murphys Law, Making Excuses
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Witty, Funny Sarcastic, Dark Sarcasm
I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.
topic: Bumper Sticker, Carrots, Chains, Funny Bumper Sticker, Food Chain
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Loneliness, Lonesome, Lonesomeness
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
topic: Funny, Life, Death, Humor Love, Dark Sarcasm
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm, Laugh At Yourself, Sarcastic Love
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
topic: Life, Sarcastic, Wisdom, Being Sarcastic, Dark Sarcasm
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
topic: Inspirational, Inspiring, Laughter, Individual Differences, Anthropology
Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet
topic: Stress, Wake Up, Realizing, Under Stress, Stress Management
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
topic: Time, Food, Bird, Early Bird, Swiss Cheese
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com. 
topic: Funny, Happiness, Hilarious, Spiritual Happiness, Insults You
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
topic: Inspirational, Funny, Christmas, Stupid Jokes, Being Sarcastic
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
topic: Sarcastic, Sarcasm, Feelings, When Things Go Wrong, Funny Sarcastic
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an ass.
topic: Jesus, Love You, Thinking, Jesus Loves You, Sarcastic One Liners
topic: Love, Funny, Marriage, Humorous Love, Humorous Valentine
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
topic: Life, Sarcastic, Memories, Bad Memories, Witty One Liners
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
topic: Witty, Creativity, Science, Creative People, Funny Sarcastic
He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
source: Sir Winston Churchill (1965). “The Churchill Wit”
topic: Life, Humorous, Vices, Admire You, Like And Dislike
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
topic: Sarcasm, Spite, Nature Love, Classic Insult, Sarcastic One Liners
No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
topic: Real, Sarcasm, Names, Sarcastic Love, Sarcastic One Liners
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
topic: Depression, Sarcastic, Anger, Being Depressed, Overcoming Depression
He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.
source: "The Works of Oscar Wilde".
topic: Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic, Dark Sarcasm, Classic Insult
Gods are fragile things, they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense.
source: "An Anthology of Atheism and Rationalism" by Gordon Stein, Prometheus Books, (p. 258), 1980.
topic: Spiritual, Religious, Atheist, Funny Sarcastic, Fragile Things
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
topic: Fighting, Way, Vegetarian, Funny Bumper Sticker, Food Chain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Money, Dark Sarcasm, Wit And Wisdom
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
topic: Funny, Life, Clever, Being Sarcastic, Dark Sarcasm
Don't take life too seriously.
source: RuPaul (2010). “Workin' It!: RuPaul's Guide to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Style”, p.12, Harper Collins
topic: Life, Sarcastic, Funny Inspirational, Meaning Life, Life Being Too Short
source: Speech in London, 16 Dec. 1970, in The Times 17 Dec. 1970
topic: Funny, Sarcastic, War, Dark Sarcasm, Abba
Two wrongs don't make a right.
source: Roald Dahl (2016). “The GFG: The Guid Freendly Giant: The BFG in Scots”, p.145, Black & White Publishing
topic: Revenge, Humorous, Math, Making Excuses, Wise Proverbs