Turkeys On Thanksgiving Quotes:

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Family, Food, Forgiving, Hunger For Food, Yummy

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

- Erma Bombeck

topic: Food, Mean, Talking, Wishbones, Inspirational Thanksgiving

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

- Craig Ferguson

topic: Funny, Thanksgiving, Football, Family Thanksgiving, Funny Happy Thanksgiving

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

- Oprah Winfrey

source: FaceBook post by Oprah Winfrey from Oct 03, 2011

topic: Positive, Thank You, Thankful, Concentrating, Spiritual Blessings

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

- Jon Stewart

topic: Funny, Thanksgiving, Land, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed - like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.

- Ted Nugent

topic: Funny Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Want, Geese, Funny Happy Thanksgiving

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.

- Nicole Hollander

topic: Funny Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Cooking, Leftovers, Funny Thanksgiving Day

It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.

- Russell Baker

topic: Grandmother, Funny Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Funny Thanksgiving Day, Funny Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'

- David Letterman

topic: Mom, Drinking, Funny Thanksgiving, Kitties, Thanksgiving Day

It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it.

- Alistair Cooke

source: Alistair Cooke (2015). “Talk About America: 1951–1968”, p.15, Open Road Media

topic: Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Doctrine, Cranberries, Day After Thanksgiving

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.

- Phyllis Diller

topic: Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Three, Beaks, Funny Thanksgiving Day

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!

- David Letterman

topic: Thanksgiving, Dog, Fun, Thanksgiving Greetings, Thanksgiving Turkey

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.

- Marcus Tullius Cicero

topic: Inspirational, Thank You, Thanksgiving, I Am Thankful, Spiritual Gratitude

Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds.

- Theodore Roosevelt

topic: Gratitude, Heart, Deeds, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.

- Dalai Lama

topic: Inspirational, Positive, Thank You, Inspirational Gratitude, Inspirational Thanksgiving

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

- Irv Kupcinet

topic: Thanksgiving Day, Optimist, Persons, Optimism And Pessimism, Optimism In Life

May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!

- Grandpa Jones

topic: Thanksgiving, Pie, Yams, Thanksgiving Day, Funny Thanksgiving Day

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

- John F. Kennedy

topic: Inspirational, Thank You, Thanksgiving, I Am Thankful, Inspirational Gratitude

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

- Johnny Carson

topic: Thanksgiving, Holiday, Emotional, Day After Thanksgiving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest.

- William Blake

topic: Happiness, Thanksgiving, Thankful, I Am Thankful, Inspirational Thank You

Stand up, on this Thanksgiving Day, stand upon your feet. Believe in man. Soberly and with clear eyes, believe in your own time and place. There is not, and there never has been a better time, or a better place to live in.

- Phillips Brooks

topic: Thanksgiving, Believe, Eye, Thanksgiving Day, Clear Eyes

The thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.

- Henry Ward Beecher

topic: Heart, Blessing, Thankfulness, Being Blessed, Spiritual Gratitude

Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.

- Aesop

topic: Inspirational, Thanksgiving, Spiritual, I Am Thankful, Spiritual Gratitude

Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving.

- Mike Connolly

topic: Turkeys, Doe, Funny Thanksgiving Day, Peaceful Coexistence, Christian Thanksgiving

Best of all is it to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song.

- Conrad Gessner

topic: Thank You, Song, Heart, Funny Thanksgiving Day, Christian Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'

- Jim Gaffigan

source: "Beyond the Pale". Live album by Jim Gaffigan, www.npr.org. February 7, 2006.

topic: People, Drunk, What If, Funny Thanksgiving Day, Thankful Thanksgiving

The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!

- Henry Ward Beecher

topic: Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Optimistic, I Am Thankful, Thankful Heart

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

- Erma Bombeck

topic: Thanksgiving, Sports, Food, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

- Kin Hubbard

topic: Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Kitchen, Carving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

- Kevin James

source: Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

topic: Thanksgiving, Good Day, Men, Day After Thanksgiving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: it must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all.

- William Faulkner

topic: Gratitude, Order, Quality, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.

- Seneca the Younger

topic: Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Appreciation, Inspirational Gratitude, Thankful Heart

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'

- Mitch Hedberg

topic: Thanksgiving, Being Yourself, Fun, Grocery Stores, Pastrami

I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

- Arnold Schwarzenegger

topic: Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Los Angeles, Thanksgiving Day, Funny Thanksgiving Day

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

- Rita Rudner

source: FaceBook post by Rita Rudner from Nov 13, 2012

topic: Sarcastic, Mother, Sarcasm, Day After Thanksgiving, Funny Thanksgiving Day

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

- George Carlin

topic: Thanksgiving, Sarcastic, Sarcasm, Funny Thanksgiving Day, Christian Thanksgiving

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues. [Lat., Gratus animus est una virtus non solum maxima, sed etiam mater virtutum onmium reliquarum.]

- Marcus Tullius Cicero

topic: Gratitude, Heart, Parent, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thankful Heart

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

- Ambrose Bierce

topic: Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Religious, Thanksgiving Funny, Thanksgiving Greetings