Jim Gaffigan Quotes and Sayings - Page 1
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“You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“There is this false perception that comedians can never be serious. It's like from like the era of court jesters.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'”
-- Jim GaffiganSource : "Beyond the Pale". Live album by Jim Gaffigan, www.npr.org. February 7, 2006.
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“Whatever a writer gets paid for his book, it's never enough. I think that's true. It's hard work. But in the end, you wrote a book. It's something real and tangible that sits on a shelf forever.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
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“Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.”
-- Jim GaffiganSource : FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Apr 24, 2012
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“I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David Cross' type of standup.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“As I go on in standup, I keep being described as cleaner and cleaner as I do each hour, they're like, 'It's unbelievable how clean,' 'He's the cleanest person in the world.' And then I'll do shows and people will be like, 'You're supposed to be so clean, but you're talking about cancer.'”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
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“The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“No matter how you feel about your extended family or family gatherings you will be attending. This is because now the ultimate reason for attending family gatherings is for your children to have the time of their lives with their cousins. Little kids love their cousins. I’m not being cute or exaggerating here. Cousins are like celebrities for little kids. If little kids had a People magazine, cousins would be on the cover. Cousins are the barometers of how fun a family get-together will be. “Are the cousins going to be there? Fun!”
-- Jim GaffiganSource : Jim Gaffigan (2013). “Dad Is Fat”, p.226, Crown Archetype
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“I'm not a foodie; I'm an eatie. I don't have anything against foodies. I just don't have the time or the interest to do that much research.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
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“There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.”
-- Jim GaffiganSource : FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from May 09, 2012
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“There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I am - which is not to say that that's a bad thing.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
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“Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“I come from a very big family... nine parents.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“I'm a guy who comes from a small town in the Midwest. It's not in my nature to say the most explicit things in public.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
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“Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind of works for me.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
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“People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?”
-- Jim GaffiganSource : Jim Gaffigan (2013). “Dad Is Fat”, p.54, Crown Archetype
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“Pie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“I kind of consider myself... I mean, I try to have my comedy be accessible, and if people are paying $30 to see me in a theater and they want to have their picture taken with me, it's not the end of the world. It's one of those things, where I'm not the only comic who does it. A lot of comics do it. If I'm doing a 4,000-seat venue, it might be a little bit of a different task, but it's all good.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“I have more pictures of my children than my father ever looked at me,”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
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“I don't have any delusions. I'm not a novelist - I'm a comedian who writes. I love doing the stand-up and the touring and the albums and all that, but it's pretty amazing to go into a library and see your book there.”
-- Jim Gaffigan -
“Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.”
-- Jim Gaffigan
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