Funny Drug Quotes:

I say no to drugs, but they don't listen.

- Marilyn Manson

topic: Drug, Funny Drug, Say No To Drugs

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

- Robin Williams

topic: Funny, Life, Inspiration, Drug Addict, Drug Addiction

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

- Robin Williams

topic: Funny, Money, Humor, Space Tourism, Lap Dances

I'm not addicted to cocaine. I just like the way it smells.

- Richard Pryor

topic: Smell, Way, Cocaine, Funny Sarcastic, Drug Addict

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

- Ernest Hemingway

topic: Funny, Witty, Clever, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.

- Keith Richards

topic: Music, Alcohol, Drug, Drug Addiction, Psychedelic Drugs

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

- Hunter S. Thompson

topic: Hate, Drinking, Beer, Funny Sarcastic, Insanity And Sanity

Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison.

- John Hardwick

topic: Marijuana, Drug, Prison, Drug Addict, Drug Abuse

I don't do drugs. I am drugs.

- Salvador Dali

topic: Life, Hipster, Epic, Surrealism, Funny Drug

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

- Dave Barry

topic: God, Ice, Stupidity, Drug Addict, Drug Addiction

I think people need to be educated to the fact that ***** is not a drug. Marijuana is an herb and a flower. God put it here. If He put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?

- Willie Nelson

topic: Flower, Marijuana, Thinking, Medical Marijuana, Smoke Weed

When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself.

- Bob Marley

topic: Marijuana, Addiction, Herbs, Jamaican Music, Stoners

Whether you sniff it smoke it eat it or shove it up your ***** the result is the same: addiction.

- William S. Burroughs

topic: Addiction, Ass, Results, Drug Addict, Drug Addiction

I have nothing to declare but my genius, and this four-kilo bag of cocaine.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Bags, Genius, Four, Declaring, Funny Drug

In the Sixties people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take Prozac to make it normal.

- Damon Albarn

topic: Life, People, World, Weird People, Drug Addict

I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.

- Edgar Allan Poe

topic: Funny, Pain, Memories, Stimulants, Drug Addict

Cocaine is like really evil coffee.

- Courtney Love

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Coffee, Evil, Cocaine, Rockers, Funny Coffee

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

- Henny Youngman

topic: Crazy, Book, Reading, Liquor Funny, Day Drinking

A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.

- Frank Zappa

topic: Funny, People, Drug, Chemical Compounds, Drug Taking

I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example.

- Mick Miller

topic: Men, People, Drug, Drug Addict, Drug Addiction

I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough.

- M. C. Escher

topic: Dream, Alcohol, Scary, Drug Addict, Funny Drug

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

- Steven Wright

topic: Funny, People, Drug, Dropping Out, Trippy

Addiction should never be treated as a crime. It has to be treated as a health problem. We do not send alcoholics to jail in this country. Over 500,000 people are in our jails who are nonviolent drug users.

- Ralph Nader

source: "Nader Endorses Legal Marijuana". Associated Press, www.nytimes.com. September 09, 2000.

topic: Country, Jail, People, Inspirational Drug Recovery, Recovering

LSD is a psychedelic drug which occasionally causes psychotic behavior in people who have NOT taken it.

- Timothy Leary

topic: Funny, Taken, People, Drug Taking, Psychedelic Drugs

A miracle drug is any drug that will do what the label says it will do.

- Eric Hodgins

source: Episode

topic: Alcohol, Miracle, Drug, Drug Addict, Drug Addiction

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.

- Bill Hicks

source: "Chicago '91". Comedy album by Bill Hicks, 1991.

topic: Mistake, Marijuana, Law, Medical Marijuana, Cannabis

Why is there such controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who'd be willing to test any drug they can come up with.

- George Carlin

source: "Brain Droppings".

topic: Funny, Guy, Drug, Drug Testing, Funny Drug

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

- Charlie Sheen

source: "Top 25 Charlie Sheen quotes from his first week of explaining how awesome Charlie Sheen is" by Tony Pierce, Los Angeles Times, March 01, 2011.

topic: Children, Drug, Over You, Occupy Movement, Banging

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

- W. C. Fields

source: In Corey Ford Time of Laughter (1970) p. 182

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Book, Stimulants, Liquor Funny

I tried marijuana once. I did not inhale.

- William J. Clinton

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Marijuana, Drug Addict, Drug Addiction

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.

- Bob Marley

topic: Hippie, Drinking, Healing, Jamaican Music, Alcoholism

Raising a child is like taking care of someone who's on way too many shrooms, while you yourself are on a moderate amount of shrooms. I am not confident in my decisions, but I know you should not be eating a mousepad.

- Ron Funches

topic: Confidence, Children, Parenting, Hallucinogens, Edibles

The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing. I said I believed in drug testing a long time ago. All through the sixties I tested everything.

- Bill Lee

topic: Weed, Humor, Marijuana, Drug Testing, Funny Drug

Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.

- Abbie Hoffman

source: "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

topic: Funny, Dope, Drug, Drug Addict, Drug Addiction

Penalties against possession of a drug should not be more damaging to an individual than the use of the drug itself; and where they are, they should be changed. Nowhere is this more clear than in the laws against possession of ***** in private for personal use... Therefore, I support legislation amending Federal law to eliminate all Federal criminal penalties for the possession of up to one ounce [28g] of marijuana.

- Jimmy Carter

topic: Marijuana, Law, Support, Marijuana Legalization, Marijuana Prohibition

I now have absolute proof that smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an H-bomb blast

- Ronald Reagan

topic: Funny, Weed, Marijuana, Smokers, Medical Marijuana

Nobody stopped thinking about those psychedelic experiences. Once you've been to some of those places, you think, 'How can I get back there again but make it a little easier on myself?'

- Jerry Garcia

topic: Thinking, Littles, Psychedelic, Psychedelic Drugs, Psychedelic Experience

I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.

- Adrian Rogers

topic: Sorry, People, Feels, Sorry Men, Praiseworthy

I don't know. I never smoked AstroTurf.

- Tug McGraw

topic: Sports, Motivational Sports, Drug Addict, Funny Drug

Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton.

- Jay Leno

topic: Funny, Weed, Marijuana, Stoners, Medical Marijuana

All drugs of any interest to any moderately intelligent person in America are now illegal.

- Thomas Szasz

topic: Intelligent, America, Addiction, Drug Addict, Funny Drug

I will lift mine eyes unto the pills. Almost everyone takes them, from the humble aspirin to the multi-colored, king-sized three deckers, which put you to sleep, wake you up, stimulate and soothe you all in one. It is an age of pills.

- Malcolm Muggeridge

topic: Kings, Sleep, Eye, Wakes You, Drug Addiction

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.

- Woody Allen

topic: Funny, Mean, Drug, Funny Drug, Annie Hall

The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi.

- Denis Leary

topic: Funny, Humor, Blow, Funny Drug

Marijuana is a useful catalyst for specific optical and aural aesthetic perceptions. I apprehended the structure of certain pieces of jazz and classical music in a new manner under the influence of marijuana, and these apprehensions have remained valid in years of normal consciousness.

- Allen Ginsberg

topic: Weed, Marijuana, Years, Funny Drug, Funny Marijuana

Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

- Joan Rivers

source: Twitter post from Apr 09, 2014

topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Children, Dealer, Announcements