Funny Beer Drinking Quotes:

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

- Clement Freud

source: Quoted in Observer (London), 27 Dec. 1964.

topic: Funny, Witty, Giving Up, Drank, Champagne Drinking

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

- Dean Martin

source: "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

topic: Drinking, Book, Beer, Funny Sarcastic, Inspirational Golf

I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night

- Benjamin Franklin

topic: Morning, Beer, Night, Drinkers, Whiskey Drinking

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

- Ernest Hemingway

topic: Drinking, Book, Beer, Intelligent Man, Irish Beer

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

- Brian O'Rourke

topic: Food, Fall, Drinking, Irish Beer, Irish Drinking

I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.

- Abraham Lincoln

topic: Inspirational, Wisdom, Truth, Irish Beer, Drinkers

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

- Jack Lemmon

topic: Funny, Music, Morning, Sorry Men, Irish Beer

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.

- Adolphus Busch

topic: Beer, Glasses, Matter, Brewing, Drinking Beer

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

- Frank Sinatra

topic: Drinking, Beer, Men, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

- Dave Moulton

topic: Beer, Cold, Drinking Beer, Drinking Whiskey, Cold Beer

Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.

- Edgar Allan Poe

topic: Drinking, Beer, Who Cares, Ale, Drinking Alcohol

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

- Frank Zappa

topic: Funny, Country, Football, Irish Beer, Brewing

No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.

- John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough

topic: Drinking, Fighting, Beer, Brewing, Liquor Funny

For a quart of ale is a dish for a king.

- William Shakespeare

topic: Kings, Drinking, Ale, Bleaching, Brewing

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

- Joe E. Lewis

topic: Drinking, Dirty, Scotch, Scotch Whisky, Whisky

I drink to make other people interesting.

- George Jean Nathan

source: George Jean Nathan, Charles Angoff (1998). “The World of George Jean Nathan: Essays, Reviews, & Commentary”, Hal Leonard Corporation

topic: Drinking, People, Interesting, Alcoholism, Liquor Funny

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

- W. C. Fields

topic: Food, Drinking, Beer, Liquor Funny, Day Drinking

I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.

- Miguel de Cervantes

topic: Drinking, Sometimes, Drink, Drinkers, Wine Toast

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

- Drew Carey

topic: Funny, Sarcastic, Jobs, Liquor Funny, Support Groups

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

- Dave Barry

source: "Vegetable Magnetism" by Dave Barry, www.washingtonpost.com. March 17, 1991.

topic: Fun, Drinking, Book, Ale, Lager

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

- Benjamin Franklin

topic: Love, Inspirational, Funny, Ale, Lager

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

- Raymond Chandler

topic: Drinking, Beer, Men, Liquor Funny, Don't Drink Alcohol

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

- Nancy Astor

topic: Husband, Alcohol, Poison, Your Husband, Wives And Mothers

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

- Winston Churchill

topic: Drinking, Beer, Wife, Drinking Alcohol, Funny Bar

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

- W. C. Fields

topic: Drinking, Beer, Reality, Drinking Beer, Drinking Funny

Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working.

- Hal Foster

topic: Drinking, Beer, Enjoy, Craft Beer, Funny Beer Drinking

There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.

- Benjamin Franklin

topic: Funny, Drinking, Food, Brewing, Drinkers

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

- Gilbert K. Chesterton

source: All Things Considered (1908) "Wine When it is Red"

topic: Drinking, Beer, Animal, Liquor Funny, Drunkenness

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.

- James Thurber

topic: Drinking, Beer, Two, Liquor Funny, Drinkers

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

- George Burns

topic: Clever, Drinking, Drunk, Liquor Funny, Drinking And Driving

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

- Brendan Behan

source: "Brendan Behan Dies in Dublin", www.nytimes.com. March 21, 1964.

topic: Summer, Winter, Beer, Irish Beer, Irish Drinking

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

- Lord Byron

topic: Drinking, Beer, Men, Alcoholism, Intoxication

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

- Humphrey Bogart

topic: Book, Drinking, Beer, Irish Beer, Brewing

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

- Ambrose Bierce

source: The Devil's Dictionary

topic: Motivational, Drinking, Beer, Power And Control, Abstaining

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

- William Butler Yeats

topic: Food, Drinking, Men, Alcoholism, Irish Beer

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Funny, Witty, Work, Irish Beer, Irish Drinking

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

- Dean Martin

source: In Paul Dickson Official Rules (1978) p. 112

topic: Clever, Lying, Humorous, Alcoholism, Drinkers

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

- Henny Youngman

topic: Crazy, Book, Reading, Liquor Funny, Day Drinking

Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.

- Arnold Schwarzenegger

topic: Inspirational, Baby, Motivational Sports, Motivational Bodybuilding, Drinkers

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Funny, Life, Drinking, Alcoholism, Funny Sarcastic

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

- George Bernard Shaw

topic: Life, Atheist, Beer, Credulity, Just Believe

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

- W. Clement Stone

topic: Funny, Witty, Humorous, Lunch Break, Free Lunch

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

- Dylan Thomas

source: Dictionary of 20th Century Quotations quoted by Nigel Rees. Fontana London (1987)

topic: Funny, Drinking, Wine, Soft Drinks, Alcoholism

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

- Hunter S. Thompson

topic: Hate, Drinking, Beer, Funny Sarcastic, Insanity And Sanity

Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow

- Marcus Tullius Cicero

topic: Beer, Sorrow, Drink, Whiskey Drinking, Funny Beer Drinking

He that drinks fast, pays slow.

- Benjamin Franklin

topic: Drinking, Pay, Drink, Brewing, Don't Drink Alcohol

He that buys land buys many stones, He that buys flesh buys many bones, He that buys eggs buys many shells, But he that buys good ale buys nothing else.

- John Ray

source: Henry George Bohn, John Ray (1860). “A Hand-book of Proverbs: Comprising an Entire Republication of Ray's Collection of English Proverbs, with His Additions from Foreign Languages : and an Alphabetical Index, in which are Introduced Large Additions, as Well of Proverbs as of Sayings, Sentences, Maxims, and Phrases”, p.383

topic: Land, Eggs, Shells, Drinking Toast, Funny Beer Drinking

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

- Dean Martin

source: "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Drinking, Beer, Hands, Sober Up, Drinking Alcohol